John Ridley Is A Coon...

...in case you missed it in our other post. Apparently Michael Richards' behavior is justified because he is good white people and we are not. We have no behavior, or as this asswipe puts it, some black people are not demure...making them niggers apparently.

Enjoy: A Couple of "N Words" Walk into a Comedy Club, by John Ridley. Courtesy of The Huffington Post.

Do People Harbor Racist Thoughts? + 20 other questions

People harbor racist thoughts...and in today's news, "Water Still Wet." We didn't even break a sweat over the Michael Richards conflama (now referred to as anger, as opposed to bigotry). We didn't expect it to cause the eruption that Mel Gibson's remarks caused. After Paris Hilton called some acquaintances of hers n*****s and went on to produce a rap album on which several black rappers were guest artists, we knew not to expect much of nobody. Idiots. (P.S. Hooray for Tina Fey outing that monster for being a hideous bitch).

The more interesting race issue of the week? How white people will not let this OJ thing die. One white girl's death at the hands of a black man is not avenged, and people just cannot let it go. Deny the man a forum even to confess his stupidity, against his own interest. Wow. Why can't we all just think of this O.J. acquittal thing as payback for all the black men killed/jailed/etc. for breathing near white women in years gone by? What if we say we can't get over that? John Ridley posted some coonery about the whole mess on the Huffington Post. The title of his post reads "Hypocrites Al and Jesse Give a Killer a Pass." He has an equal justice vision of America. Whatever. In one particularly astute comment to the post, someone writes that "black America" would not have reacted the same way if Nicole was black. Well, umm, if we're being honest, this wouldn't be on the news if Nicole was black, now would it genius? We're over it.

Who told Jay-Z it was a good idea to put the Rump Shaker sample on any song...ever?

Naomi Campbell, Warrior Princess

Please, say it isn't so. Naomi. Arrested. Again. So says the wire.

Oprah's Face

Can someone explain what is happening to it? And the conspiracy of silence around this glaring issue? Oprah looks bad. Oprah looks awful. Oprah's face is tumbling down - like Humpty Dumpty, London Bridge. I have never seen Oprah look as awful as she looks this season. She claims the Enquirer lied in claiming that she collapsed on some 800 calorie/day diet. Well someone needs to explain it.

New Ish

A Girl Like Me
This morning, 16 year old filmmaker Kiri Davis appeared on Good Morning America to discuss her documentary "A Girl Like Me." In the film she recreates the doll test used by Thurgood Marshall in presenting his case against segregation in Brown v. Board of Education. The sad truth is that the results today are exactly the same as they were 50 years ago. Young black girls are suffer from a profound self-hate that has survived the civil rights movement and our attempts at integration.

Truth to Power

A new book about Colin Powell is out. It's called "Soldier," written by Karen DeYoung. She exposes the truth about Powell's firing from the Bush Administration (by Andy Card, who gave him two days to tender his resignation). Ms. DeYoung confirms what we already knew, which is that the administration used Powell mercilessly to lend legitimacy to their warmongering, while disregarding his opinions and advice. Again we say "way to go" to Condi, for toughing it out.

Dancing with the Stars' Monique Coleman

Everybody loves a dancing black man. For evidence, see Master P or Jerry Rice or Evander Holyfield...kept on Dancing with the Stars way longer than merited by their dancing. Granted these guys are personable and charming, so they have alot of fans - male and female. Emmitt Smith's success on Dancing with the Stars comes as no surprise. Perhaps the only surprise is that he really can dance.

America's feelings about dancing black women? Certainly more ambiguous. Take for example last week's ouster of Vivica Fox. Sure she sucks - like she has a sucky personality. She's annoying, and her collagen-filled lips could have rescued half the Titanic's passengers. However, she was a better dancer than Willa Ford, who remained, while Vivica got kicked off. This week Monique Coleman put on a show worth of Stacy Keebler comparisons, however, the reaction to her was, well, mild. "You were great." "Fantastic." Meanwhile they blathered on about mediocre Willa Ford's "improvement" ad nauseum. Well dammit, we're chicks, black ones, and we stand behind Monique. We will be her loudest cheerleaders, as she is clearly the best of the female dancers on the show. Sadly, there is not room for two black candidates - the black vote has to go solidly behind one candidate if we are to make it to the finals. Sorry Emmitt, we're repping for the ladies.

Oh Paige...don't be a Jackbutt like your Father...

Let's not even talk about what Robert and Sheila Johnson were thinking when they named their now 17-year old daughter, Paige.

The now divorced Johnsons seem to be aware of power and how to groom their little black progeny for the acquisition of it. Paige, a world-class junior equestrian competitor with hopes of becoming an Olympic champion, has won over $200,000 in prizes since first competing.

"Them" Johnson's sure know how to get over. Make money off of ushering African-American young people into a level of self-hatred never seen before the inception of BET (think about it), become BILLIONAIRES, then get your own kids as FAR away from the decrepit lifestyle you so endorsed with your choice of programming for blacks on the ONLY station exclusively for "the people".

You know, Robert...I know about you... I know how you took advantage of the Affirmative Action programs to get into Princeton and while there, was open about your jack-buttedness and your "money by any means necessary" mantra. Well, you weren't joking. You have single-handedly taken generations of black children into the cycle on no-expectations, PROVING that you are a true American. Yup...this belief that you can rise ONLY by stepping on other peoples necks...

Paige, seriously...smile and nod when papa talks to you, but KNOW that man has nothing of value to contribute to your sensibilities. Good luck.

Old News, but my Heart..MY HEART!!!

PerezHilton.com

Oh Johnny...you KNOW I've been fighting HARD for you and Tommy. I'm in that ring e'ryday, but this was the knockout punch. (sniff) Son, I'm out for the count.

An Open Letter To Whitney Houston

Dearest Whitney,

Now that you have let him go, never ever turn back. Why? Because yours was a sick sad codependent relationship, one that will never end unless you end it. He is a mess, and he will always make you think it's ok for you to be a mess. You can't both be a mess. Did you see yourself in that photo with the twisted wig and fur coat on a midnight run to the gas station for cigarettes? How does that even sound to you? That wasn't you. That was you with a side of Bobby. Shouldn't your man have told you you looked crazy in the wig? Shouldn't he have nixed the fur coat? Perhaps told you that you were behaving like a fiend? He told you it was ok. This is it girl, run. Run to the opportunity of a lifetime. We look forward to the comeback. Fly Whitney, fly high. High like a bird in the sky. But this time skip the cocaina.

9/11 and the New York Primary

Bi Nka Bi, the Adinkra symbol for peace...

It's a sad day - five years from 9/11. As much as we condemn the administration for the day their rallying cry, it is still sad to hear the reading of names, particularly familiar ones. Twas a tragic day, and if not careful, a familiar twinge of vengeance can be felt in the pit of one's stomach. However, we consider the hundreds of thousands of people being killed daily overseas, and declare that given our American experience with such tragedy, it is morally reprehensible to take on a killing campaign overseas. If Iraqis read the names of all killed in the war they'd be on tv until like tomorrow.

And, segue. Tomorrow is the New York Primary Election. Please, please, please vote. Also, please vote sensibly - not motivated by vehemence, but motivated by reason. If you, like the President, cannot connect 9/11 to the war on Iraq, (last week the President admitted that making the connection is one of the most difficult tasks his administration has to accomplish), keep that in mind when voting. If you are wondering why 9/11 makes people writhe in agony, while Katrina gets little to no attention, take that into account. OK?

Hypocrisy: What We Learned From Kate Moss

White (like powder) is still alright, black (like crack) is still wack...

We're watching VH1's "Fabulous Life of Comeback Stars," and of course Kate Moss is high on the list. She's being lauded for her ability to "come back" within like 60 days of her fall from grace - you know, the whole snorting coke on camera thing. This is a sore subject for us something that has been making us sick. Why? We'll give you an example.

Kate Moss graces the cover of this month's Vanity Fair, an homage to Marlene Deitrich and old Hollywood. September issues of major magazines are the actually the year's biggest, particularly fashion magazines. Advertisers clamor to be in these issues, unveiling new ad campaigns to highlight their most recent wares. Prime positions for ads are within a few pages of the cover, but before the masthead. This is primo primo space. Kate Moss appears on the cover gatefold in a four page spread for Calvin Klein (this is essentially four pages of ads attached to the front cover...simply put, it costs a fortune for Calvin Klein, and is a model's dream). Two pages down the road, she's in a 2 page spread for Louis Vuitton. Turn 5 pages, she's in a 2 page spread for Christian Dior. Turn 4 pages, you'll find Kate Moss in a 2 page spread for Burberry. Turn 6 pages for the masthead, and you see Kate Moss as Marlene Deitrich. To summarize, between the cover and the masthead there are a total of 12 advertisers. Of these 12 high-end campaigns, in premium ad space, 4 have selected Kate Moss to be the face of their luxury brand. Yes, one-third. Of course, her appearances in the magazine do not stop there - Kate Moss ads fill the editorial well...Kate Moss for Versace, Kate Moss for Kate Moss.

Kate Moss has been awarded 14 new ad campaigns, including most recently, Agent Provocateur, since her public "shaming." This comes exactly one year after she was videotaped vacuuming powder off a mirror with her nose. I mean, like, there was evidence. She has been praised for her comeback in every major media outlet. Comeback, we think, is a misnomer. Come back from what? From an industry who in 1992 herladed her as the second coming because of her "heroine chic" appearance. Drugs, and in particular cocaine, retain a little cachet, yes, cachet, among the whites. Let a negro smoke some weed, and we're a culture of degenerates. Hypocrisy.

The Africanized Latinos, huh?

Arnold Schwarzenegger, former drug and sex addict, proud son of a Nazi, and now governor of California, was caught on tape explaining the hot-blodded temperment of Latinos, specifically Cubans and Puerto Ricans during a behind-closed-doors speech writing session.

According to Schwarzenegger, the latino blood mixed with the black blood makes for some pretty savage beings...which would explain the "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Carlos" spirit of Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia whom they were referring to at the time.

What's interesting, though, is the respsonse of some of the major latino politicians. Well, I'm not going to go there... I mean...we have frickin' Clarence Thomas and Condi Rice!

Breaking News: LOLA RESTAURANT IS BACK!!!

To all the New Yorkers who have been missing a certain fab black restaurant called Lola (formerly of W. 22nd Street), sound the trumpets, because Lola is back back back. After a protracted legal battle about their liquor license, it appears Lola will reopen somewhere near the Holland Tunnel. We hope our favorite tranny waiter Darrell will be back too. (BTW, racist neighbors beefed about the liquor license because they feared the restaurant, which was always a class act would become, a hip-hop club (quelle horror)).
Eatery Wins Booze Battle, Page Six, September 6, 2006

P.S. Also in New York gossip, are we the only people who didn't know about Miss Jones' antics with Beyonce's mother? Question for HR over at HOT 97...how many suspensions does one get before being umm, terminated?

Kelefa Sanneh Knows Hip-Hop Is Dead (and so do we)

New York Times arts journalist Kelefa Sanneh penned a piece of interest in today's New York Times, entitled "Imagining a Summer With a True Hip-Hop Hit." Kudos to him and the Times for giving a shit, right? Anyway, he calls to mind summers of yesteryear - or perhaps yesterdecade - when summer had an anthem, and the anthem was squarely within the parameters of hip-hop. Yes, strictly hip-hop as opposed to pop with a rapper on the hook or some other transgenre collabo, e.g., Shakira w/Wyclef, Nelly Furtado w/Timbaland, Eve w/ Gwen Stefani, Gwen Stefani w/ Pharrel.

Will Smith and Rakim made the first summer rap hit that we can remember, and aptly named it "Summertime," so as to make their intention clear. But it was really Bad Boy that perfected the art of the summer hit, ruling the airwaves during the summers of the late 90's. It was one or two ridiculously infectious songs that you could not escape for two or three sultry months. Every time you turned on the radio, there it was. Every party you went to, they played it twice, for an ecstatic frenzied crowd. Granted, payola was a huge component in the blueprint, but that's really not our business is it? The point is that they made hits, and marketed them to death. Alas, we have reached a time when the hitmaking is secondary to the marketing. Bad Boy is finished, as nothing lasts forever, but there is no replacement in the market. No one.

Rap music officially sucks. Its not so much that southern rap sucks, as it is that the entire country has permitted it to dominate the industry. "Bounce and roll your butt in the club, shake it shake it, what you got back there, I want to shake it and bounce it and roll it in a blunt and smoke it between my ice grill, in the club." I cannot name one "hit" song of the last two years that does not prominently feature one of these themes. I cannot name one rap song made in the last two years that has been remotely interesting. I cannot name one album heralded as the shit. Or one artist who has lived up to the promo and marketing hype.

We are at the mercy of aging moguls and entitled upstarts who do not speak or understand English well enough to bastardize it creatively. Every great empire falls, and this may just be the end of hip-hop as we know it. Boo.

CRIKEY!!! Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter, dead at 44!

I'm freakin' out y'all...

Steve Irwin, that lovable Aussie whom we wanted to slap every time he put himself in danger, was killed Monday, ironically, by a stingray.

KILLED! I can't wrap my brain around it!!!

What the frig!?!?!?!?!

The US media, as always, is lagging behind on the REAL story...check out the REAL DEAL here.

Does anyone Remember Renee Richards?

Well, I'm too young to remember, but as my husband and I were watching the Agassi/Baghdatis match, he told me the story of the (male to female) post-op transsexual tennis player who, in the late seventies, decided to go pro as a woman.

If ya' don't know, now you know...

It Doesn't Pay to Emulate U2....Especially if you're a Nigro

Sooooo...apparently our boy, Mos Def solidified his street cred with an arrest, last night, outside the MTV Video Music Awards.

A personal favorite of mine, this rapper extraordinaire took it upon himself to "Edutain" the masses (with sound system in tow) on the streets of NYC outside of the MTV Awards venue Thursday night.

Not unlike the impromtu rooftop stylings of U2, Mos Def took his message to the streetz with an ode to Katrina, a consciousness rap with a touch of "what the f*ck George Dubya"... only difference, the nigro was arrested.

Def was given a summons and was released FROM JAIL FRIDAY morning...

BTW...the Yahoo.com/Reuters version of the article is crap...check out the REAL DEAL here.

Disaster Preparedness

Watching Spike Lee's documentary reminded us that in the event of an emergency we will likely have to fend for our little black selves. Thus we encourage folks to prepare themselves and their families for potential disasters. As Mama says, "do your best, and let God do the rest."


The Red Cross recommends having 6 categories of things on hand for emergencies:
1) water - 3 day supply (1 gallon/person/day)
2) food - 3 day supply (ready to eat canned meat, fruit, vegetables, vitamins, salt, sugar, energy bars)
3) first aid supplies (include non-prescription drugs)
4) clothing/bedding (1 changes of clothes and footware per person)
5) tools and emergency supplies (see website for suggestions)
6) special items for medical conditions (prescription medications, eyeglasses, contact lens supplies)
Stored water should be replaced every six months - drink what you had in storage. Food should be replaced every 6-12 months. Batteries should be replaced as needed. Update stored clothing by season.


Target and the Red Cross partnered to create an introductory disaster preparedness kit which retails at Target for $29.99. It includes ponchos, a flashlight, a radio, first aid supplies, and more. The Red Cross also sells a variety of its own exclusive kits.


Lastly, the Red Cross recommends keeping important family documents in a waterproof portable container. These include, but are not limited to: wills, deeds, social security cards, bank account numbers, credit card numbers, insurance cards and policies, birth certificates, marriage certificates.


Check the website at www.redcross.org for more.

Where do I Begin...

Who would've "thunk" it... Celebrity Fit Club ... actually interesting?

Angie Stone done lost her mind for all the world to see making her the OFFICIAL black woman stereotype. Thanks, Ang... Isaac from the Love Boat, okay, okay, Ted Lange, gets tired of everybody's ass, while the rest of the entitled Fit Clubbers go ballistic on the "more docile than usual" panel. Flavor of Love almost got trumped with this weeks CFC episode...but not quite.

Flav will not be outdone (btw google image "Flava (not Flavor) of Love" to see what our girl Hoopz has been up to -- thaaaat trick)...!!!

Leave it to one of the biggest disgraces/guilty pleasures on tv to bump it up a notch when needed...

The girls of 2300 Flava Street had the opportunity to showcase their rump-shakin' skills for King Flav with the help of the negro male krumper and pale female choreographers (who wouldn't last one night in Atlanta with their moves). Needless to say, the routines were more than my "EYEZ" could stand, but in the end, Deelishis, Krazy and Nibblz won their one on ones on with the master of the house. The losers of the "shake your booty competition, started gossipin' while the cat was away with Toastee taking the cake; providing the ladies with their juiciest gossip of the night, but with shakey proof. Which led us to the payoff...you know, the reason why we watch the disaster in the first place...drama, drama, drama... A must see...

Survivor has been getting the publicity it pretty much sold its soul for and more.

The outrageous "Battle of the Races" concept from the show that should've been cancelled long ago has been getting WAY TOO MUCH PLAY on the cable news networks. Question: Are we supposed to believe that your fascist casting agents (mostly LMC women) are supposed to be equitable when it comes to their choice of players on each team? Is it a coincidence that after years of ignoring/degrading and insulting black women in the media, THIS is the ONE TIME that we are overrepresented? Instead of having 3 black males on the negroid team ( a la the Asian and Latino teams), Survivor decides that, for a physical competition, the blacks only need 2 males (one terribly out of shape and 45 years old) to everyone elses 3. Admittedly, the LMC team has 3 females and 2 males, but you and I both know of America's love affair with the LMC woman. Those chicks aren't going anywhere...

Please note the athletic backgrounds of, oh, everyone on the other teams compared to the nigros...

Now we don't play sports...ya'll are some real crazy muthas...

TBC

Beah Richards...the Voice of Many

“A Black Woman Speaks of White Womanhood, of White Supremacy, and of Peace”

It is right that I, a woman black should speak of white womanhood. My husbands, my fathers, my brothers, my sons, die for it. They said, the white supremacists said, that you were better than me, that your fair brow should never know the sweat of slavery. They lied. White womanhood, too, is enslaved. The difference is degree. They brought me here in chains. They brought you here willing slaves to man. You bore him sons. I bore him sons. No, not willingly. He purchased you. He raped me. You were afraid to nurse your young, lest fallen breasts offend your master’s sight, and he should flee to firmer loveliness, and so you pass them, your children, onto me, flesh that was your flesh, blood that was your blood, drank the sustenance of life from me, and as I gave suck, I knew I nursed my own child’s enemy. I could have lied, told you your child was fed till it was dead of hunger, but I could not find the heart to kill orphaned innocence, for as it fed it smiled and burped and gurlgled with content, and as for color, knew no difference. Yes, in that first while, I kept your sons and daughters alive, but when they grew strong in blood and bone that was of my milk, you taught them to hate me. You gave them the words, “mammy” and “nigg&$” so that strength that was of myself turned and spat upon me, despoiled my daughters, and killed my sons!”

Fabulous.

Blacks, AIDS, and the Culpability of Black Men

You don't need a statistician to tell you that black men are responsible - primarily - for any number of the ills that plaguing the black community at large. (This does not mean we shouldn't work together to fix the problems, but as the folks say, ain't no future in frontin'.) Well add another problem to the list. Apparently the skyrocketing AIDS rate among black Americans is due in large part to the behavior of black men.

Some disturbing statistics were highlighted on ABC's Primetime Special on the black AIDS crisis:

1) There are 85 black men for every 100 black women of marrying age. The differential is due mostly to rates of incarceration and death due to violent crime (no surprise there);

2) 68% of all new AIDS cases affecting women in America are found in black women;

3) The rates of multiple sexual relationships are higher in blacks than any other group in America, and higher among black men than black women;

4) The rate of AIDS in heterosexual black women has increased exponentially, due in large part to infection by their mates whom they erroneously believe to be heterosexual and monogamous.

Condoms and safe-sex campaigns do not fix these problems. Dudes need a trip to the borg.

Spike Lee's Requiem is Superb

The first part of Spike Lee's Katrina documentary "When The Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts," was nothing less than stellar. This government is nothing less than sad and pathetic.

The second half airs on HBO tonight at 9:00 pm. There's nothing else to say.

Spike Lee crafts complex, monumental look at Katrina, Reuters

The Gaede Twins: Satan's Spawn

Oh sweet Lord, ABC won't stop it. There are two little white supremacist gremlins - Lamb and Lynx Gaede - aka "the Gaede Twins" on Nightline. They are Mary Kate and Ashley Olson on a steady diet of Third Reich texts. David Duke uses them to headline his white nationalist conferences, as they have garnered a huge following. Their schtick is that they sing white supremacist songs while playing the banjo. Hicks. Midget hicks.

One-half of the genius duo articulates her beliefs as follows: "We want our people to stay white…we don't want to just be, you know, a big muddle. We just want to preserve our race." They play games like "dance around the swastika" to help reinforce their beliefs. (We couldn't make this up - the dance is a darling Irish jig). There is also a video game of which they are quite fond, where they go through "the ghetto," and kill blacks and Mexicans, who, incidentally, make gorilla sounds. The appropriate punishment for that poppycock? Caps in their asses, I say. Caps in their asses. I say bring your little song and dance to Marcy, or uh uh, Compton, or uh uh, Cabrini Green.

Young Singers Spread Racist Hate, ABC News

Wifeswap Makes Us Question the Wisdom of Integration (Again)

Two interracial couples embark upon journeys of self-discovery. Tonight on Wifeswap:

White woman married to a black man, on white men -
"I can't see a black man ever waiting on somebody hand and foot..." [ok blondie, ever heard of, ummm, slavery? This "I'm a man" shit is totally post-swinging from trees. Idiot.]

"Black men tend to know who they are." ['tis news to us]

Black woman married to a white man, on black men -
"Eric reminds me of the black men that I gave up on...they want you to bow down to them...I don't believe in that at all."

"You are the very reason I married my husband (a white man)."

"You treat your wife like a slave." [expect no sympathy here dammit, we say it's about time]

Black man married to white woman, on black woman's nasty attitude -
"You are exactly the type of person who makes this country what it is in terms of race relations..." [right, it was her, a black woman, who f***ed up race relations in America...genius.]

These comments are not a fabrication. I stumbled upon some unholy episode of Wifeswap. According to my Direct TV blurb, tonight's episode involves "two integrated families who push racial stereotypes to the limit." Oh damn.

So what we have is a black man/white woman, swapping with a white man/black woman. In short, these are four ignorant bastards with whom we (normal ppl) are competing for, oh, ozone layer protection, oxygen.

First of all, the stereotypical black woman - btw, thanks and shout-out to ABC central casting - wants us to understand that she hates black men. She said it 40 times. She hates black men. She hates kids too. Imagine, ABC managed to find a black woman who hates kids, all kids, even the curly haired biracial ones she has to babysit during the swap. She hates housework too. And giving the kids book learning. YAY!!! This means she's not a mammy, despite her big ass replete with pantylines!!! After oh, 400 years, we've undone the stereotype. In fact, ABC has managed to completely reverse the paradigm. The black woman here serves no purpose at all - she's no good with kids, she's no good at domestic work, she hates her own people, she hates other people. She's some new shit - a black woman that cannot even take care of white people (we never expected her to take care of her own). Don't get us wrong, she sucks with all her yelling and screaming. And in a cruel twist, she demands tea and finger sandwiches. This is what happens when little black girls read stupid shit like Pride and Prejudice at a young age. Identity crisis. She is a walking identity crisis.

The white woman is all goodness and light (shock and awe). She is a housewife, who simply wants to please her black man. Like, she said this. She respects black men because they are strong and they know who they are. Let me guess, she also believes that they are better endowed and faster runners. In today's news, water is wet, sky is blue. Moron. She first appears onscreen holding her bible and talking to her five biracial offspring. Oh help me. I can't even finish this post.

The long and short of the fiasco is that ABC managed to make the white people look uh human, and the black people were referred to repeatedly as shiftless and lazy. [We note that white people cannot wipe their own behinds]. Anyway, by some miracle everyone's happy in the end. Black lady ghetto dances with the kids. She decides she likes kids from playing with curly haired biracial kids - somehow playing with her two black ones was insufficient to make her like children. Black dude's perspective changes. Women shouldn't have to do all the cooking and cleaning. Apparently he is a caveman. They learn that we are all part of a human race. These people are really stupid. They've clearly never seen any after school specials. It took Wifeswap to teach them that tired ass lesson. Interestingly, the white people didn't seem to learn anything. Thanks massa, for another lesson learned.

P.S. All this new found love didn't stop the black lady from ripping the white lady a new one during the sit-down at then end. White lady foolishly suggested that black lady treated her son like a "slave." They just don't learn. Black lady didn't like that at all. She didn't even "want to hear the word." You know, "don't call my son a slave. You called my son a slave." Rational black man said "we all heard what [white lady] said. She didn't call your son a slave." Black lady responded that she was "just tellin' it like it t-i is." What?!?!? I swear we need a license to appear on reality television.

Project Runway: Update

Tonight's Project Runway - filled with gems. Positively filled with gems. The producer's clearly spiked the Pellegrino with acid tabs or ground up e.

1) Vincent Libretti...wow. Just...wow. Vincent Libretti told Lipstick Laura to go stick her Harry Winston's up her nose. We s*** you not. We kinda wish she would too. He also said that his dress "got him off" at least twice. Actually he said his dress reminded him of a child's drawing, and got him off. Is this some weird form of pedophilia? We don't know. He thought it bore repeating on the runway, and told Michael Kors that it turned him on. Um, yuck.

2) Thank goodness for the return of Michael Kors and his gayface. He called someone's dress a "paper brioche." He said Vincent's model looked like she was walking in a refrigerator box. How does he even think of these things?

3) Heidi Klum's inability to speak proper English coupled with her deep thoughts are a godsend. She pondered whether she'd rather look like a "fat Minnie Mouse" or slim and long. Sadly there was actually a fat Minnie Mouse on the show, replete with hair fashioned into a blond bow.

4) Michael's model Nasry? Holy bags - she apparently hasn't slept since the show started.

5) Michael knocked it out the damned park. We're loving this guy.

Project Runway: Michael, We Eat Our Words

A few weeks ago we predicted that brother Michael would have been out of here by now. Why? His cocky, Kanye-esque promo for the show made him look like a coon. Well, we have swallowed a huge slice of humble pie.

On last week's episode of Project Runway, Michael killed it. His hot-pink hot pant ensemble, inspired by Pam Grier was positively foxy. His model looked fabulous. Not only did he win the challenge, but he earned a Tresemme ad in Elle Magazine (of course) featuring his model in his piece.

In addition, we learned that he's not a jerk. When the gang was skewering Angela - who is a dummy, btw - he came to her defense, saying that he did not think it was funny for everyone to be giving her a hard time. He calls his mom, he prays. In short, we're bitches. We still however, say "how you doin'" every time he's on screen.

Project Runway, tonight at 10:00 p.m. on Bravo

Breaking News: Condi AND Oprah Make Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List

Power Suit

Shock to end all shocks - there are two sisters and two brothers on the Best Dressed List in Vanity Fair's September Style Issue. For the mathematically challenged among us, that's a total of four negroes. Yay!

Condoleeza Rice is a best dressed woman, despite her best effort not to be included (wearing that confounded page boy hairdo). The honor has also been bestowed on Oprah, who in one year has compensated for a lifetime of fashion sins. Big ups to VF for putting Queen Rania of Jordan in their Hall of Fame. She is remarkably beautiful and always looks smashing.

Oswald Boateng (House of Boateng, Bravo) and Kanye West rep the dudes, appearing on the list with the likes of David Beckham (who, btw, looks sooo hawt), George Clooney, and Anderson Cooper. Kanye was his usual big-headed self. He believes that his occupation is to "be Kanye." And his favorite quote? "I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal." Ron Burgundy, Anchorman. Idiot.

We're a little pissed about the quality of the article. The layout wasn't great, and the photos of the "best dressed" were unremarkable. We couldn't wait to get our grubby little mitts on the magazine when we read the teaser for the article on the cover. The spread was a letdown. Tisk tisk, VF.

Luxe Life: A Broke Chick's Wishlist

We're so "financially challenged" that we've taken to fantastical flights of fancy.

Oh what we'd do with a few extra buckaroos (and the type of conscience that would permit us to indulge our penchant for all things luxurious)...tahitian pearls, mini-breaks, spa day dammit...we could go on forever.

Here's our little list of luxury items in case anyone wants to make donations (enter "crickets").

Accessories
Cartier Tank Solo Watch
Dooney & Bourke Nubuck Leather Bucket Bag: $345

Apparel
Harajuku Lovers T-Shirts: $42
Carolina Herrera Wardrobe (for business and formal)
Tracy Reese Wardrobe (for casual)

Auto
Mercedes CLS 500 (Silver thanks, with silver trim): $75,000+

Beauty
Philosophy Amazing Grace Bath Soaps: $18
Vera Wang Eau de Parfum: $65

Home Furnishings
Restoration Hardware Crystal Banister Lamp: $325

Jewels
Mikimoto Multi-colored Tahitian Cultured Pearl Necklace: eh hem, Price Available on Request

Services
Equinox Membership w/ Personal Trainer
The Zone

Travel
Virgin Gorda Mini-Break: $2,000

Jay McGraw...just like a Man...

Don't let them fool you...even the most reasonable and sensitive of men cannot turn down a bleached blonde princess with a smile.

Go to Google images and type in "Erica Dahm" (leave out the quotes) and you'll get a hilarious pairing of pics in the second row ... Dr.Phil (whom I love), next to a shameless TRUE BOOTY shot of his new daughter-in-law AND her sisters!!! Hi-larious!

Papa must be proud...

Kanye...Guess there's no Hope for Brooke, huh?

"Alexis" who?

Rumored, but now confirmed, Mr. West has reportedly proposed during a recent two-week-long overseas vacation, to his long-time girlfriend/ex-girlfriend "Alexis" who is NOT to be confused with ex-girlfriend, MTV assistant turned myspace ranter, model, Brooke Crittendon.

"Alexis", according to reports, was his "back home" girlfriend who was there for him even before his infamous car accident. Crittendon, the self-proclaimed "Baddest-Chick" of SU (more like chickenhead) is probably pulling out her hair at the news.

"Brooke, you know I hooked you up with this pic, there were many disasters to choose from..."

What Can I Say? It's Flav!

Another year, another frickin' hog race on the VH1 mega-successful Sunday night and no...I am not talking about Celebrity Fit Club.

Enter Flava of Love, the

An Inconvenient Spoof: The Republican Party Sucks

With mid-term elections on the horizon, the Republican party continues to make an ass of itself. The Wall Street Journal reported yesterday that the popular You Tube spoof of Al Gore's documentary "An Inconvenient Truth," is really the work of DCI - a PR firm repping both the Republican Party and Exxon. It is not, as the trailer suggests, the work of a 29 year old amateur filmmaker named MovieBob. Losers.

NYTimes, handle your business...

I don't care what side of the fence you are on with the Isreali-Lebanese conflict, but can we all agree that the New York Times is making a fool of itself by using the word "DOVISH" when describing any Isreali minister, cabinet member or spokesperson right before the described vows to destroy "a people". Now the NYTimes is not the only jackbutt, but they were ones who held the "dovish" that broke MY camels back.

Quit it!

On a Serious Note ...

I happened across a blog that reported Black Enterprise's findings
on the low rates of African-American "males' going to college. Yadda, yadda, yadda....I wrote a comment and when I tried to submit it, I was told that the blogger was not accepting comments, so I decided to bore you all with my rant...This, of course...is all family business...if you ain't family, MOVE ON!

When addressing the plight of blacks in education, period, not just the black males, people with good intentions only make the problem worse when they talk about the college and university rates of matriculation for African-American Students.

Personally, it DID NOT HELP, going to a university where the few African-American students, as brilliant as they were, did not have the same reverence for education as other African-American students who, from their youth, were made to understand what education REALLY was and could give them.

The rates of African-American male enrollment is of no concern to me, at this point, because if they want to go to school...they can...so, it's not Harvard...
I need to know that African-Americans are making it a REQUIREMENT to get their young boys and girls interested and on a fast track TO COLLEGE from the moment those kids enter nursery school. There is no point in sticking kids into college just because the numbers don't look good for "a people " unless those kids are truly going to represent and understand what they are getting themselves into.

Not proofread, just a rant...

So you think you can Dance?

Ho hum...another Thursday... another boy and girl ousted from the dance competition show, So You Think You Can Dance.

Ryan, my kinsman from Jamaica and a native New Yorker, was voted off last night. Thank goodness. Finally, a week where I don't have to hear how excruciatingly horrible his dancing AND personality is. He's sweet, but those judges were NOT giving him a break. Natalie, whom all the little colored boys love, beat out the fiery, got a little somethin' goin' on - I can see it in her hair, Allison, whom I personally pegged as making it, at least, to the top two. Allison was truly amazing, but you know, as long as Natalie is cute...

Donyelle, a show favorite, stunk it up during her poorly choreographed Hip-Hop routine with super-bubbly Travis. Shane Sparks, the sassy, sista' hatin' choreographer from Cincinnati, illustrated to those in the know, that he's all bark and no bite. His work reminds me of a bunch of girls tryin' to come up with somethin' hot for their high school talent show. His "Hip-Hop" choreography to an R&B song stank it up as well, and probably had a hand in Allison's early departure. Cecily, a sometime judge with partner Olisa and probably THE HOTTEST choreographer that I'd EVER worked with, but was overshadowed by the Fatima era in the mid-to-late 90s, could run circles around Sparks and his garbage. His work is remedial and his attitude...horrendous. Alex Da Silva, on the other hand...is FANT-A-BULOUS, because he has not only been classicaly trained, but he's underground as well, so he has mastered the best of both worlds giving us everything from a gorgeous Cuban Rhumba to the Classic Argentine Tango.

I have nothing to say about Ivan other than I hate him...he's truly getting away with murder.
Who could be next to go?

Our Unreliable Weather Pixie

It is a sticky 80+ degrees in NYC tonight. The weather pixie's dumb ass is talking about how it's 73 degrees. As I melt into a salty puddle, I'm thinking that she's about to be evicted from her spot on the sidebar.

What the $%^#!!!!

Move over Rock...

Lance Bass, formerly of the group N'Sync, is gay. Now it's possible that this has been a "well-known secret" among the Hollywood wags, but since I was never force-fed anyone but Mr. Justin Timerlake, it never occured to me to take stock of the group and its members.

Bass claims to be in a relationship with "Amazing Race 4" winner Reichen Lehmkuhl who partnered with Chip Arndt as a "married" couple on the CBS reality show. Guess that's over.

'N Sync singer worried he would harm group - CNN.com
Lance Bass reveals that he's gay - MSNBC

You don't know who you are Talking to...Boycott!!!

I have an issue with Mo'Nique, the obesity-loving, skinny girl hatin', newly married mother of twins, comedienne extraordinaire. Her Star Jonesesque proclamations of being a fatophile, can get on ones nerves especially with the heart disease/stroke/diabetic epidemic hitting us ridiculously hard.

It especially irks me that she preaches the girthy-gospel then enters into a marriage where both she and her husband are free to "see" other people. Talk about self-loathing... apparently, if you've got some weight on you, you don't deserve a long-term, loving relationship.

All that to say, I love that chick. Mo'Nique is the patron saint of "holdin' it down", I must say. Chick is no joke!

I would say that most of us, who currently travel, or have traveled regularly, have had to deal with sassy LMC flight attendants who feel like they can say, or do anything they want because the post-9/11 world has given these unusually powerless people a new set of cojones. The LMCs, who love to exxagerate or just straight-up lie as a means to their end can now throw you off of a plane for absolute nonsense under the guise of protecting the passengers from possible terrorism on your part. Enter Mo'Nique with entourage in tow

Selection taken from the 7/26/2006 Chicago Sun-Times article by Bill Zwecker.

"The United brouhaha started when Mo'Nique's hairdresser (seated in coach) attempted to put something (the New York Daily News reported it was a hair dryer) in Mo'Nique's carry-on in the compartment above her seat in first class.

Apparently, a flight attendant challenged the assistant, and Mo'Nique lost her cool when another United attendant told her, ''Tell your people that the next time they have an attitude, they are being thrown off. ... Since 9/11, we don't play around.''

Furious about being compared to a terrorist, Mo'Nique allegedly became extremely agitated -- leading to her being escorted off the plane.

Chicago Police officers were called but, after analyzing the situation, decided no charges were warranted."

Please note the tid-bit of info at the end of Zwecker's full article regarding the friend whose has dealt with Mo'Nique and her "posse".

Mo'Nique's supposed threat which led to the boot off the plane, according to Entertainment Tonight, was the statement, "You don't know who you are talking to...".

Mo'Nique is now asking for a boycott of United Airlines. I personally think people should call UA if they've EVER had a problem dealing with flight attendants anywhere. Let them know that you are not having it anymore. Your money is just as good as any LMCs and you sure as hell earned the respect that they get on the daily.

United Airlines - Customer Relations
1-877-228-1327 (8am - 7pm CST)
United Airlines - New York & New Jersey
NY - 1-800-864-8331 (reservations, navigate to customer service)
NJ - 1-973-624-6925

Matenopoulos Sucks...

As vacuous as ever

The View, specifically Barbara and Bill Geddes, is keepin' it gansta', by taking a page out of George dubya's book. Reward others for doing your dirty work.

Matenopoulos, the dumb LMC broad whose lack-luster career recently culminated with the ho-hum E! Entertainment Top Ten tabloid daily/weekly (I'm not even trying to get the title right) , has squeezed her butt back onto the View, if only for a little while. Shall we look for Star to make a reappearance in 7 years?

The week after the Star fiasco, Matenopoulos scurried out of her cave to let the world know that Star had soooommmme nerve complaining about the "end communication" edict Ms. Wawa put out there. Matenopoulos claims that after she was fired, she received a call from everybody but Star. Hey Debs, is it possible that Star liked you as much as your viewers?

Not to mention, we already have a dumb blonde on the View.

Be gone.

Miss Universe Watchable: Thanks to NBC, Bravo, Carson Kressley (how you doin'?)

22 Year Old Kenisha Thom, repping "Sweet Sweet T&T"

Miss Universe 2006 was on last night.

Confession #1: we watched it. And to our surprise, it was good.
It was a big old Bravo and NBC lovefest. We watched in part to see Miss USA in Kayne's creation (Project Runway). Interestingly Nancy O'Dell, Project Runway celebrity client from two seasons ago, hosted the show. She was about as interesting as a bag of rocks. Much better was Queer Eye's Carson Kressley. He was just "how you doin'" all over the place - he held nothing back. When Miss Puerto Rico came out, he started singing "Boricua, morena..." Like one of the old men on The Muppets, he commented on everything from make-up to hair to outfits. Santino Rice, also of Project Runway fame, was a judge. Other notable judges: the Brit who won the Apprentice; Emmet Smith; and the new Puerto Rican anchor on the Today Show, Maria Ayayay... listen that's not her last name, but I just really can't remember.

Confession #2: Black chicks watch these pageants with a keen eye on the minorities.
It takes a stunning white girls (not your average Becky or Sara) to capture our attention otherwise. Last night, there were some. Miss Switzerland Lauriane Gillieron was fab, as was Miss Denmark. But IMO, the night belonged to the blacks, latinos, and Asians on the stage.

Miss Trinidad and Tobago, pictured above, was stunning. We won't discuss the 12 foot bag of weave that she rocked as a ponytail. (I mean we're talking straight, shiny, black, and to her butt - like right out of the bag). We're also not so sure about the carnival regalia she wore as her national costume, but she was pretty and quite poised. One of the hosts called her the "best face" of the pageant. Her body was not bad either.

Miss Ethiopia, pictured below, was also stunning - vaguely reminiscent of Beyonce, no?

We're talking body like Iman - hips like whoa. She was robbed, she didn't make it past the first cut.

Miss Japan and Miss India were both cute and accomplished. Miss Japan wore this anime costume - it was cute - very Crouching Tiger. Damned if I could tell the South American chicks apart. They were all shiny dark hair, pretty tan, bronzer for days - except Miss Argentina - who was bottle blond. Miss Mexico was pretty.

Jamaica did not place - rare occurrence. We can't be hot all the time. Whatever.

Congrats to the winner, Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza of Puerto Rico, who walked away with the crown...and fainted shortly thereafter. She rocked her dress, though. The temporary 'rexia was totally worth it.

Pick on Somebody your own Size!

Apparently, the women of the Islamic Defenders Front want to send Nadine Chandrawinata, Miss Indonesia, to the slammer (or worse).

Chandrawinata, a native of Hannover Germany with a German mother, is only the 2nd contestant in a decade to represent Indonesia in the global pageant. The 22-year old is accused of violating a ban on beauty pageants put in place by the dictator Suharto, the year Chandrawinata was born, in addition to just being plain old vulgar for donning a bathing suit for all to see.

QUESTION: Who funded Miss Indonesia's march to the pageant?
ANSWER: Why the men of Indonesia! Not only the men, but the male government officials who modify and enforce the rules by which the Indonesians live.

Come now, ladies...Chandrawinata is a pawn...why not go after those who ushered her into the arena, or do the men always get a pass...

No Men, no Mas...

Thems was the dayz!

Now, as a happily married sista' of 3 years, I'm gonna have to drag my lust memory out of the basement for this one, but I'm doin' it for the young ladies today who don't have a clue as to what real men look and sound like. You know...our eye-candy.

You see, some jackbutt industry heads (black men, of course) are trying to tell women what to look and sound like. Big booty strippers with barely there black and hair down to your back. Nothing new, same old, same old, but I would like to pose a question for P-Didn't, Jay-B and all the 350-plus pound producers out there with their Yves Saint Laurent sunglasses and conked-slicked back hair...

Where's Tank?

You know, that chiseled, big-lipped R&B adonis that used to make the girlz lose - their - minds. (I must reiterate, he doesn't do a thing for me know, but I remember!) .

The black males in power of the commercial negro music movement, don't want men who are going to make black men, especially the music mavens themselves, feel less like the mandingos they are trying to sell us into believing they are. It only took them a second to figure that one out. This is why we are inundated with Ne-yos, Marios, and Avants, with tiny little Chris Browns and whatever that other little ones name is, who are round-the-way looking singers, while they, the industry mucks, find their version of the ideal woman and give her a contract when her background singers can sing "her" out of the boxing ring. They practically threw Maxwell's skinny behind in a box and threw away the key! No men, no mas.

Hey, as long as they can get away with it they will, but ladies...would you rather see a concert with Ne-yo, Omarion and Chris Brown with Kanye West headlining or would you drop a c-note on Tank, Maxwell and LL Cool J with the Jay to the Z closing it out.

Get Aquenetta out of Here!

In the July 2nd edition of the New York Times Magazine (my absolute fav), The Ethicist (sorry link is long gone) brought to light a fairly typical situation to arise in hospitals and the corporate world, a la "Something New", illustrating the ever enduring Affirmative Action LIFE policies for LMC women...as usual.

Apparently, the person who submitted the article, a nurse from the Texas hospital in question...that's right folks, Texas, tells us of the demanding LMC patient who felt more comfortable with a female anesthesiologist and politely asked if it were possible to reassign the position, already assigned to a man, to a woman. The hospital complied.

As the patient was being prepared for surgery, she was told the name of the newly assigned anesthesiologist. Let's call her "Aquenetta Sharise Jenkins", the pseudonym for the black doctor assigned to the LMC patient. The name, having a ridiculously high probability of belonging to a black woman, enraged the LMC patient, who shamelessly demanded an LMC doctor. The hospital, only minutes away from the surgery, decided to grant her wish since it was too early in the morning to question hospital officials on the ethics of her request.

Liberal LMCs could (and would) make the argument that this patient, and just plain old "Race in America" is the reason that LMCs would worry about using negro doctors...right or wrong, LMC doctors simply GET to work on more patients therefore they gain more experience...well, good lookin' out my LMC saviors, but let's face it...Eventhough the LMCs in this country equate a black person's doctorate with an LMCs B.A. and would sooner hire an LMC with a criminal record than a black with a Masters Degree, we all know the truth... Black folks have to work 50 million times (a possible exaggeration) harder and have to temper their souls daily to deal with the entitled LMCs faux spirits just to get the same opportunities that are simply handed to LMCs in this country.

For "Aquenetta" to get to where she is, she not only had to be exceptional as a student (or at least a hard frickin' worker), but she had to be a social breakdancin' maverick to navigate through the LMCs daily maze of "soullessness". I just don't have the patience.

You make the call.

Naomi Campbell Gets Arrested...Again.

Never Scared

Is this a joke? Naomi broke up with her man, and today she went to his house to get her stuff. He had to call the cops, and they arrested her for "creating a disturbance." Keep it gutter girl.
Naomi Campbell Is Reportedly Arrested, ABC News

Heavy Rain, Wind, Cause NYC to Implode

On Monday it rained in NY, after two days of 100+ degree weather. It rained kinda hard, and it was a little windy. Ok, there was lightning, thunder - it could be called a storm. People around the area lost power, trees fell. It created a bit of a stir.

It's okay for us to understate the impact. However, can someone tell us how Con Edison managed to underestimate the number of homes without power in Queens by 23,000 homes? And better yet, why it took them four days to figure it out?

It rained again today and the number 5 train cannot function. There is no service to the city's hinterlands, aka the Bronx. Because it rained. Holmes said taxes bought civilization. Wrong.

Con Edison Now Says As Many as 25,000 Still Without Power, NY1

Star Jones and Al Reynolds Divorce Watch Begins

In thick times and in thin, in S-curls and in dreadlock extensions...

Breaking News: Star Jones and Al Reynolds countdown to divorce has officially begun. Al was spotted leaving Blank Rome, where it is suspected he was seeking counsel re: his impending divorce from Star Jones. Ted Casablanca called it. Star is having a bad couple of months.

We await the memoir, a la Terry McMillan...

Kelly Rowland Celebrates Black History Month on The View

We tried not to say anything, because our sisters are getting a shot at filling Star Jones' chair, and it's an opportunity, blah blah blah. But come on now, it's just so humorous. There have been more black people on The View in the past two weeks, than in the past two years. We've seen Brandy twice, Deborah Roberts twice, and Tanika Ray was also a chocolate coated flavor of the week. Today, Kelly Rowland had her turn in the hot seat.

Poor Kelly, who looked fab btw, was a goner as soon as she sat down. The first thing out of Barbara's mouth was about Kelly's split with Dallas Cowboy Roy Williams. The D.C. girls are mum about almost everything - including their relationships. Clearly embarrassed and unprepared for the question, Kelly tried to dodge the bullet. But sensing a challenge, Babs pressed on. She asked why they broke up. She asked if anyone told them it wouldn't work. Kelly tried to keep her composure. She danced, ducked, and weaved. Little Kelly smiled and giggled to hide the faces she made when she wanted to call Barbara a bitch. But thankfully, the camera got it all. That poor child couldn't get an unsolicited word in edgewise. Her mouth just kept opening and closing.

The cats over at VH1's Best Week Ever also noticed that Barbara has been committing a cardinal sin with all of the sisters. She has been petting their hair like animals in a zoo. What's wrong with these people? Never seen a weave Barbara?????????

BTW, of all the lovely ladies that have been on the View, who's Rosie O'Donnell's favorite? Kelly Pickler. That lady's got class, I tell ya. Not television news anchor Deborah Roberts who might have something meaningful to contribute to a conversation, but Kelly Pickler.

World News Tonight

The death toll in Haifa (Israel) is eight, and the international community is in an uproar. Someone must pay. The sidewalk cafes in Israel are empty. Summer camps have been cancelled. Did we neglect to mention the 50+ Lebanese people (mostly civilians) that have been killed by Israel?

Oh, and in other news, President Bush cursed today while lunching with Tony Blair in Russia. (Will he never learn that the mic is ALWAYS on?) He suggested Syria talk to Hezbollah and tell them to stop this "shit." While we were inclined to laugh at first, we realized this was perhaps one of the most coherent statements he's ever made. He knows what all the words mean, and he seemed to know what was going on. If only he would address all foreign policy like it was a fight between two of his fraternity brothers, we'd all be better off. No?

Just for kicks, we'll link to Fox News' coverage of Bush's public potty mouth:
Bush Curses Hezbollah on Live Microphone, Fox News
In Haifa, Shock and Determination, MSNBC

Weekend Wrap-Up: The News As We See It

Of all the things that have happened in the world this week, what's at the fore in our little minds? Meet the Press meets Vibe Magazine's 20 Questions...

1) Apocalypse Now:

Kim Jong Il: Gangster with a Wave Nouveau
The dictator with the curly perm is intent on getting us all blown the hell up - firing seven missiles over the course of three days - and not giving a damn what anyone has to say about it. We just wanna know, why do high profile men submit to the whims of mad hairstylists? (See Trump, Sharpton, Kim Jong for more).
Kim Jong Il, Crazy Like a Fox, (ABC News, July 5, 2006)

Oy, Vey
Israel and Palestine are also intent on getting us blown the hell up. Um, who told Dubya that all Americans want to stand behind him in defense of Israel? We're sooo Switzerland on this issue. You hear that out there? The blacks are NEUTRAL (if not a little tired of the Palestinians being villainized). Moreover, gas prices are predicted to hit $4.00 a gallon over this mess - as if an excuse was needed.
Bush Will Not Tell Israel to Halt Offensive, (ABC News, July 14, 2006)


2) Haute Ca Ca

Manolo Blahnik, Bored, Diversifies
Clearly in need of another project, or perhaps seeking to become a fashion triple-threat (footwear, accessories, fragrance), Manolo Blahnik has joined the ranks of Tocca and Jo Malone, by making his own ridiculously overpriced line of candles. According to Neiman Marcus, it's "what every fashionista's been waiting for." For a cool $75, you too can be immersed in heliotropes, chocolate, vanilla and figs. Why aren't the topnotes leather, or rhinestone?
Manolo Blahnik Candle, Neiman Marcus

Naomi Campbell Beats B****es Up (oh Coral, how we used to love thee)
Already in court on charges of having assaulted two employees, Naomi Campbell now faces charges from a third employee. Why? "Verbal, physical and emotional attacks." This has to be a conspiracy. Whatever. Yay, another opportunity for us to see what she wears to court. Did you see her thighs...rather, Naomi, sashay her way into court last week in the basic black dress/black shades/weave blowing in the wind? It was Paris. It was Milan. It was the shit (sigh).
Naomi Campbell Faces New Employee Abuse Suit, Reuters UK, (July 14, 2006)

3) Entertainment

You're Either In, Or You're Out...
Wednesday nights belong to Bravo. Project Runway is back - and for the first time, we have a black male designer on the show. He's Michael from Atlanta. And we're not sure we like him because of his big-headed promos. However, he did NOT cut the fool on the show yet, to our surprise. He made a cute little white dress out of coffee filters. We'd love to root for him, so please don't let him be a jerk. Others to watch: Keith, who made a stunning (and according to Michael Kors, "emotional") navy dress for his equally stunning model; Laura, who loves old Hollywood, red lipstick, and garments trimmed in fur; and Robert, whose little red and white confection made us want to go Christmas shopping in the city...pronto.
Project Runway, Bravo, Wednesdays @ 10pm

It's Gonna Be Crucial, Yeh
Dominican (as in Dominica, not the Dominican Republic) reggae artist Nasio Fontaine has an album out. There's a track on it called Crucial, and it is the hotness. Why do so many iffy acts get contracts and airtime - we see you dirty south - while real artists have to fight to get heard?
Universal Cry, Nasio Fontaine

Young, Gifted and Black: The Tragic Demise of Tiesha Sargeant

The July 17th issue of New York magazine contains a superb article about Teisha Sargeant, the accomplished daughter of West Indian parents, who was shot and killed in Brooklyn this past May. It is alleged that the men who killed Teisha were associates of her boyfriend, who was dealing drugs from her apartment (unbeknownst to her) while she worked during the day. The story made headlines in NY, because the mainstream media was horrified that a woman with such promise could meet such a bitter, tragic, end. Her story is profound and compelling to us, because it is so familiar.

Like many of us, Teisha she was raised in a working class family that emphasized the value of education. Her natural abilities were cultivated and refined by Prep-for-Prep, which prepared her to attend some of our nation's most elite academic institutions (Brearley and Wesleyan). Upon graduation, Teisha worked at Conde Nast and ultimately Credit Suisse, where she worked until her untimely death.

Media attention revolved around the question of how this could happen to a woman who had seemingly "escaped" the misfortune of being born black, female, and working class in New York City. But the vast number of us know what the media cannot understand. The dichotomy that has been set up between educated and uneducated blacks in our urban communities is false, as is the good/bad dichotomy, and the right/wrong dichotomy. These distinctions are useless in neighborhoods where many good people are caught up in bad circumstances, many bad people are well educated, and many smart people are without resources and opportunity. Unlike our white counterparts, who select neighborhoods (and friends and spouses and jobs) based on demographic factors like education, occupation, and/or wealth, we are bound together by our race and culture in a fairly segregated city.

Going home at the end of the day for many of us does not mean that we go to a place where people are "educated" like we are, because for many of us that would mean living in white neighborhoods. While we might strive for that environment at work, we go home to communities that are the mixed up product of the American urban experience - but are decidedly ours.

The article makes it clear that mainstream Americans still believe most black people to be poor, dumb and ghettoized by default. In their mind, Teisha Sargeant was an exceptions and perhaps should have been divorced from the community from whence she came. It does beg the question, one that W.E.B. DuBois did not answer...where are the talented tenth supposed to live, and with whom? How do we preserve our safety and our cultural integrity at the same time? Tough questions.

Sony's Crazy Billboards Are Gone

So after a few weeks, Sony has pulled the "racially charged" (read: neo-Nazi) Playstation Portable billboards that were displayed throughout the Netherlands. The ads feature a white woman grasping the face of a fearful black woman, with the proclamation "White is Coming."

What did the execs over at Sony have to say? "We only intended to make a sharp contrast between black and white, but never meant to discriminate against anyone." Someone needs to fire their press agent. Is that not the very definition of discrimination, to distinguish between two things? Whatever.

The jaw grabbing thing was obviously not intended to suggest a power dynamic either. Can you imagine the presentation of the ad at the agency? How the hell did they explain the concept? The Japanese should be sensitive to this kind of thing, well with the internment and all. To be fair, there were other treatments of the ad, e.g., with a black guy atop a white guy, grabbing his face. The bottom line: Don't play the color game with people - use dice, dominoes, anything else. It's not artistic, it's bad p.r.

Anyhoo, black males ages 10-40 now have license to go and cop the New PlayStation Portable White. We're sure it will be a status symbol by Labor Day.

Sony Removes Ads for New PlayStation Portable in Netherlands After Racism Allegation (Mainichi Daily News, July 13, 2006)

Elizabeth Hasselbeck Sucks

Why we are still watching The View, after Star's unceremonious ouster, we don't know. Perhaps it's to see Barbara Walters in a pair of goggles-cum-spectacles. Hell, we weren't sure why we watched before Star's grand adieu.

Nonetheless, today Kelly Monaco (the chick who shook her booty to win Dancing With the Stars - only to be stripped of her title by the dude from Seinfeld) has the honor of sitting in Star's chair. The gals get into a discussion of marriage. This discussion was clearly orchestrated by the producers to give Elizabeth the opportunity to do her real job, i.e., slut herself out for the Republican party. In fact, we need a payola inquiry immediately. Anyway, Kelly Monaco is 30, and she's been with her boyfriend for 15 years. They're not married.

Elizabeth, as everyone knows, is married to Tim Hasselbeck, whom she loves, honors, cherishes, obeys, procreates with, goes to church with, condemns liberals with... No one can convince me that this chick didn't come with a remote control and a battery pack in her back.

Citizen-officer Elizabeth attacks Kelly for not marrying her boyfriend. Of course she says the obligatory, "that's fine, it's totally your choice, but..." According to Lizzie, lots of people "attack" marriage, and "attack" people who believe in marriage. And it's fine if people don't want to get married as long as they don't attack marriage.

Shut up Elizabeth. First, Kelly Monaco didn't even bring up the subject. Second, the bridal industry in this country is huge and growing exponentially every year. If marriage was a company on the NYSE it would be the worst investment, like, ever. Sixty percent fail. And yet...Americans do it in droves every year. Who's attacking marriage? She's so dumb.

Joy, whose life's work seems to be taking people - especially Republicans - off their high horse, was right on point today. I can't stand her, but ooh today she was sooooo good. She was like, "Elizabeth, how long have you and Tim been together?" This Elizabeth is so stupid she didn't see it coming. "Eight years," she boasts, batting her eyelashes. Joy counters "...and how long have you been married?" "Ummm, why four years," bat-bat, bat-bat. Nosy ass Joy busts out "so what, you had pre-marital sex?" Elizabeth damn near fell under the table. She was furious and told Joy it was none of her business. She also demanded to know what pre-marital sex had to do with the discussion. She was right. Really it had nothing to do with the discussion. Joy probably just figured, "today I'm nailing this uppity bitch for something." Yaaayy!!

Liberals (even a/holes like Joy): 1
Republican Stepford Wives: 0

Disclaimer: We totally believe in marriage despite the odds. We just don't need a speech about it from people who send young men and women to war to be killed in order to satisfy their individual bloodlust and eugenicist impulses.

Conceited Black Man: The New Coon

From the old coon to the new...









"...[O]pportunistic use of Black culture is exploitative, a form of economism...replacing the political struggle for self-determination with a superficial rhetoric aimed at gaining concessions under imperialism." -Amiri Baraka, "Malcolm as Ideology," Malcolm X: In Our Own Image.

This morning I'm watching TV, when I see the promos for the new season of Project Runway (premiere July 12, 2006 - whoo hoo!). I'm all excited, but like a bolt out of the blue, what do the folks at Bravo send to rain on my parade? New cast member, Michael, age 28, from Atlanta. Michael, in all his sweet (eh hem) Atlanta glory, is wearing trademark new-coon aviators, with his arms folded in trademark new-coon stance. He utters 5-seconds worth of drivel about how fabulous he is, and how he's going to take the whole competition (which will be great in a few weeks when we know that he sooo doesn't take the competition).

If I see one more black man on television holding his nuts and talking about how great he is (while having absolutely nothing to back it up, of course), I will vomit. Someone is running around telling them that swagger sells. And they are listening. They say silly shit like "I'm not conceited, I just have the confidence to _______" - you can insert your choice of dumb tasks that they think they're particularly suited to succeed in accomplishing. Think Diddy. Think 50. This arrogance is often, though not always, associated with an alleged black nationalist agenda. Case in point: the militant afro-gay Karamo, who after all his damned talk was afraid to get in the water on the Real World/Road Rules challenge. Remember him? I know, barely.

I posit that this conceited black man, a caricature to be sure, is none other than our friend, the coon. He is mantan. He is Sambo. He is a fiction, a creation. We made him up to entertain white people. Again. We shuck, we jive, they film, they edit. Who do I blame for this unabashed idiocy? Kanye West, the new-coon patron saint.

The Rockets' Red Glare

Happy 4th of July, fellow Americans! We wouldn't normally call ourselves "patriotic," (whatever that means) but today, even we were reduced to flag-waving sacks of sap.

Our beautiful sister-in-blackness, Stephanie Wilson, just took her first trip to space aboard the Space Shuttle Discovery. Every time a space shuttle launches, we are awestruck - filled with a combination of fascination and dread. Happily, they went up without a hitch, despite the damaged foam panel that was causing some concern. (An aside: Are we the only people who recall a time when this would be an occasion for "licking" celebratory gunshots? No? Hmm...I remember those days when Hell was my home/when me and Mama bed was a big piece a foam/and mi neva like bathe, and mi hair neva comb... Boy are we glad those days are over. Celebratory gunshots. Why are we so damned crazy?) Eh ehm, once again, dammit, we digress.

Good luck to all our astronaut friends while they're up there. We at Atmosphere Gabbery sure do hope they come back to Earth safe and sound.

In other news, the people are having a great week - Kim's free, Dallas Austin has been pardoned - but it's early yet. Surely some rapper will f*** it up. Just kidding. If this was an LMC blog, we'd be serious. But a perk of reading our blog? We love black people.