Where do I Begin...

Who would've "thunk" it... Celebrity Fit Club ... actually interesting?

Angie Stone done lost her mind for all the world to see making her the OFFICIAL black woman stereotype. Thanks, Ang... Isaac from the Love Boat, okay, okay, Ted Lange, gets tired of everybody's ass, while the rest of the entitled Fit Clubbers go ballistic on the "more docile than usual" panel. Flavor of Love almost got trumped with this weeks CFC episode...but not quite.

Flav will not be outdone (btw google image "Flava (not Flavor) of Love" to see what our girl Hoopz has been up to -- thaaaat trick)...!!!

Leave it to one of the biggest disgraces/guilty pleasures on tv to bump it up a notch when needed...

The girls of 2300 Flava Street had the opportunity to showcase their rump-shakin' skills for King Flav with the help of the negro male krumper and pale female choreographers (who wouldn't last one night in Atlanta with their moves). Needless to say, the routines were more than my "EYEZ" could stand, but in the end, Deelishis, Krazy and Nibblz won their one on ones on with the master of the house. The losers of the "shake your booty competition, started gossipin' while the cat was away with Toastee taking the cake; providing the ladies with their juiciest gossip of the night, but with shakey proof. Which led us to the payoff...you know, the reason why we watch the disaster in the first place...drama, drama, drama... A must see...

Survivor has been getting the publicity it pretty much sold its soul for and more.

The outrageous "Battle of the Races" concept from the show that should've been cancelled long ago has been getting WAY TOO MUCH PLAY on the cable news networks. Question: Are we supposed to believe that your fascist casting agents (mostly LMC women) are supposed to be equitable when it comes to their choice of players on each team? Is it a coincidence that after years of ignoring/degrading and insulting black women in the media, THIS is the ONE TIME that we are overrepresented? Instead of having 3 black males on the negroid team ( a la the Asian and Latino teams), Survivor decides that, for a physical competition, the blacks only need 2 males (one terribly out of shape and 45 years old) to everyone elses 3. Admittedly, the LMC team has 3 females and 2 males, but you and I both know of America's love affair with the LMC woman. Those chicks aren't going anywhere...

Please note the athletic backgrounds of, oh, everyone on the other teams compared to the nigros...

Now we don't play sports...ya'll are some real crazy muthas...

TBC

Beah Richards...the Voice of Many

“A Black Woman Speaks of White Womanhood, of White Supremacy, and of Peace”

It is right that I, a woman black should speak of white womanhood. My husbands, my fathers, my brothers, my sons, die for it. They said, the white supremacists said, that you were better than me, that your fair brow should never know the sweat of slavery. They lied. White womanhood, too, is enslaved. The difference is degree. They brought me here in chains. They brought you here willing slaves to man. You bore him sons. I bore him sons. No, not willingly. He purchased you. He raped me. You were afraid to nurse your young, lest fallen breasts offend your master’s sight, and he should flee to firmer loveliness, and so you pass them, your children, onto me, flesh that was your flesh, blood that was your blood, drank the sustenance of life from me, and as I gave suck, I knew I nursed my own child’s enemy. I could have lied, told you your child was fed till it was dead of hunger, but I could not find the heart to kill orphaned innocence, for as it fed it smiled and burped and gurlgled with content, and as for color, knew no difference. Yes, in that first while, I kept your sons and daughters alive, but when they grew strong in blood and bone that was of my milk, you taught them to hate me. You gave them the words, “mammy” and “nigg&$” so that strength that was of myself turned and spat upon me, despoiled my daughters, and killed my sons!”

Fabulous.

Blacks, AIDS, and the Culpability of Black Men

You don't need a statistician to tell you that black men are responsible - primarily - for any number of the ills that plaguing the black community at large. (This does not mean we shouldn't work together to fix the problems, but as the folks say, ain't no future in frontin'.) Well add another problem to the list. Apparently the skyrocketing AIDS rate among black Americans is due in large part to the behavior of black men.

Some disturbing statistics were highlighted on ABC's Primetime Special on the black AIDS crisis:

1) There are 85 black men for every 100 black women of marrying age. The differential is due mostly to rates of incarceration and death due to violent crime (no surprise there);

2) 68% of all new AIDS cases affecting women in America are found in black women;

3) The rates of multiple sexual relationships are higher in blacks than any other group in America, and higher among black men than black women;

4) The rate of AIDS in heterosexual black women has increased exponentially, due in large part to infection by their mates whom they erroneously believe to be heterosexual and monogamous.

Condoms and safe-sex campaigns do not fix these problems. Dudes need a trip to the borg.

Spike Lee's Requiem is Superb

The first part of Spike Lee's Katrina documentary "When The Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts," was nothing less than stellar. This government is nothing less than sad and pathetic.

The second half airs on HBO tonight at 9:00 pm. There's nothing else to say.

Spike Lee crafts complex, monumental look at Katrina, Reuters

The Gaede Twins: Satan's Spawn

Oh sweet Lord, ABC won't stop it. There are two little white supremacist gremlins - Lamb and Lynx Gaede - aka "the Gaede Twins" on Nightline. They are Mary Kate and Ashley Olson on a steady diet of Third Reich texts. David Duke uses them to headline his white nationalist conferences, as they have garnered a huge following. Their schtick is that they sing white supremacist songs while playing the banjo. Hicks. Midget hicks.

One-half of the genius duo articulates her beliefs as follows: "We want our people to stay white…we don't want to just be, you know, a big muddle. We just want to preserve our race." They play games like "dance around the swastika" to help reinforce their beliefs. (We couldn't make this up - the dance is a darling Irish jig). There is also a video game of which they are quite fond, where they go through "the ghetto," and kill blacks and Mexicans, who, incidentally, make gorilla sounds. The appropriate punishment for that poppycock? Caps in their asses, I say. Caps in their asses. I say bring your little song and dance to Marcy, or uh uh, Compton, or uh uh, Cabrini Green.

Young Singers Spread Racist Hate, ABC News

Wifeswap Makes Us Question the Wisdom of Integration (Again)

Two interracial couples embark upon journeys of self-discovery. Tonight on Wifeswap:

White woman married to a black man, on white men -
"I can't see a black man ever waiting on somebody hand and foot..." [ok blondie, ever heard of, ummm, slavery? This "I'm a man" shit is totally post-swinging from trees. Idiot.]

"Black men tend to know who they are." ['tis news to us]

Black woman married to a white man, on black men -
"Eric reminds me of the black men that I gave up on...they want you to bow down to them...I don't believe in that at all."

"You are the very reason I married my husband (a white man)."

"You treat your wife like a slave." [expect no sympathy here dammit, we say it's about time]

Black man married to white woman, on black woman's nasty attitude -
"You are exactly the type of person who makes this country what it is in terms of race relations..." [right, it was her, a black woman, who f***ed up race relations in America...genius.]

These comments are not a fabrication. I stumbled upon some unholy episode of Wifeswap. According to my Direct TV blurb, tonight's episode involves "two integrated families who push racial stereotypes to the limit." Oh damn.

So what we have is a black man/white woman, swapping with a white man/black woman. In short, these are four ignorant bastards with whom we (normal ppl) are competing for, oh, ozone layer protection, oxygen.

First of all, the stereotypical black woman - btw, thanks and shout-out to ABC central casting - wants us to understand that she hates black men. She said it 40 times. She hates black men. She hates kids too. Imagine, ABC managed to find a black woman who hates kids, all kids, even the curly haired biracial ones she has to babysit during the swap. She hates housework too. And giving the kids book learning. YAY!!! This means she's not a mammy, despite her big ass replete with pantylines!!! After oh, 400 years, we've undone the stereotype. In fact, ABC has managed to completely reverse the paradigm. The black woman here serves no purpose at all - she's no good with kids, she's no good at domestic work, she hates her own people, she hates other people. She's some new shit - a black woman that cannot even take care of white people (we never expected her to take care of her own). Don't get us wrong, she sucks with all her yelling and screaming. And in a cruel twist, she demands tea and finger sandwiches. This is what happens when little black girls read stupid shit like Pride and Prejudice at a young age. Identity crisis. She is a walking identity crisis.

The white woman is all goodness and light (shock and awe). She is a housewife, who simply wants to please her black man. Like, she said this. She respects black men because they are strong and they know who they are. Let me guess, she also believes that they are better endowed and faster runners. In today's news, water is wet, sky is blue. Moron. She first appears onscreen holding her bible and talking to her five biracial offspring. Oh help me. I can't even finish this post.

The long and short of the fiasco is that ABC managed to make the white people look uh human, and the black people were referred to repeatedly as shiftless and lazy. [We note that white people cannot wipe their own behinds]. Anyway, by some miracle everyone's happy in the end. Black lady ghetto dances with the kids. She decides she likes kids from playing with curly haired biracial kids - somehow playing with her two black ones was insufficient to make her like children. Black dude's perspective changes. Women shouldn't have to do all the cooking and cleaning. Apparently he is a caveman. They learn that we are all part of a human race. These people are really stupid. They've clearly never seen any after school specials. It took Wifeswap to teach them that tired ass lesson. Interestingly, the white people didn't seem to learn anything. Thanks massa, for another lesson learned.

P.S. All this new found love didn't stop the black lady from ripping the white lady a new one during the sit-down at then end. White lady foolishly suggested that black lady treated her son like a "slave." They just don't learn. Black lady didn't like that at all. She didn't even "want to hear the word." You know, "don't call my son a slave. You called my son a slave." Rational black man said "we all heard what [white lady] said. She didn't call your son a slave." Black lady responded that she was "just tellin' it like it t-i is." What?!?!? I swear we need a license to appear on reality television.

Project Runway: Update

Tonight's Project Runway - filled with gems. Positively filled with gems. The producer's clearly spiked the Pellegrino with acid tabs or ground up e.

1) Vincent Libretti...wow. Just...wow. Vincent Libretti told Lipstick Laura to go stick her Harry Winston's up her nose. We s*** you not. We kinda wish she would too. He also said that his dress "got him off" at least twice. Actually he said his dress reminded him of a child's drawing, and got him off. Is this some weird form of pedophilia? We don't know. He thought it bore repeating on the runway, and told Michael Kors that it turned him on. Um, yuck.

2) Thank goodness for the return of Michael Kors and his gayface. He called someone's dress a "paper brioche." He said Vincent's model looked like she was walking in a refrigerator box. How does he even think of these things?

3) Heidi Klum's inability to speak proper English coupled with her deep thoughts are a godsend. She pondered whether she'd rather look like a "fat Minnie Mouse" or slim and long. Sadly there was actually a fat Minnie Mouse on the show, replete with hair fashioned into a blond bow.

4) Michael's model Nasry? Holy bags - she apparently hasn't slept since the show started.

5) Michael knocked it out the damned park. We're loving this guy.

Project Runway: Michael, We Eat Our Words

A few weeks ago we predicted that brother Michael would have been out of here by now. Why? His cocky, Kanye-esque promo for the show made him look like a coon. Well, we have swallowed a huge slice of humble pie.

On last week's episode of Project Runway, Michael killed it. His hot-pink hot pant ensemble, inspired by Pam Grier was positively foxy. His model looked fabulous. Not only did he win the challenge, but he earned a Tresemme ad in Elle Magazine (of course) featuring his model in his piece.

In addition, we learned that he's not a jerk. When the gang was skewering Angela - who is a dummy, btw - he came to her defense, saying that he did not think it was funny for everyone to be giving her a hard time. He calls his mom, he prays. In short, we're bitches. We still however, say "how you doin'" every time he's on screen.

Project Runway, tonight at 10:00 p.m. on Bravo

Breaking News: Condi AND Oprah Make Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List

Power Suit

Shock to end all shocks - there are two sisters and two brothers on the Best Dressed List in Vanity Fair's September Style Issue. For the mathematically challenged among us, that's a total of four negroes. Yay!

Condoleeza Rice is a best dressed woman, despite her best effort not to be included (wearing that confounded page boy hairdo). The honor has also been bestowed on Oprah, who in one year has compensated for a lifetime of fashion sins. Big ups to VF for putting Queen Rania of Jordan in their Hall of Fame. She is remarkably beautiful and always looks smashing.

Oswald Boateng (House of Boateng, Bravo) and Kanye West rep the dudes, appearing on the list with the likes of David Beckham (who, btw, looks sooo hawt), George Clooney, and Anderson Cooper. Kanye was his usual big-headed self. He believes that his occupation is to "be Kanye." And his favorite quote? "I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal." Ron Burgundy, Anchorman. Idiot.

We're a little pissed about the quality of the article. The layout wasn't great, and the photos of the "best dressed" were unremarkable. We couldn't wait to get our grubby little mitts on the magazine when we read the teaser for the article on the cover. The spread was a letdown. Tisk tisk, VF.

Luxe Life: A Broke Chick's Wishlist

We're so "financially challenged" that we've taken to fantastical flights of fancy.

Oh what we'd do with a few extra buckaroos (and the type of conscience that would permit us to indulge our penchant for all things luxurious)...tahitian pearls, mini-breaks, spa day dammit...we could go on forever.

Here's our little list of luxury items in case anyone wants to make donations (enter "crickets").

Accessories
Cartier Tank Solo Watch
Dooney & Bourke Nubuck Leather Bucket Bag: $345

Apparel
Harajuku Lovers T-Shirts: $42
Carolina Herrera Wardrobe (for business and formal)
Tracy Reese Wardrobe (for casual)

Auto
Mercedes CLS 500 (Silver thanks, with silver trim): $75,000+

Beauty
Philosophy Amazing Grace Bath Soaps: $18
Vera Wang Eau de Parfum: $65

Home Furnishings
Restoration Hardware Crystal Banister Lamp: $325

Jewels
Mikimoto Multi-colored Tahitian Cultured Pearl Necklace: eh hem, Price Available on Request

Services
Equinox Membership w/ Personal Trainer
The Zone

Travel
Virgin Gorda Mini-Break: $2,000

Jay McGraw...just like a Man...

Don't let them fool you...even the most reasonable and sensitive of men cannot turn down a bleached blonde princess with a smile.

Go to Google images and type in "Erica Dahm" (leave out the quotes) and you'll get a hilarious pairing of pics in the second row ... Dr.Phil (whom I love), next to a shameless TRUE BOOTY shot of his new daughter-in-law AND her sisters!!! Hi-larious!

Papa must be proud...

Kanye...Guess there's no Hope for Brooke, huh?

"Alexis" who?

Rumored, but now confirmed, Mr. West has reportedly proposed during a recent two-week-long overseas vacation, to his long-time girlfriend/ex-girlfriend "Alexis" who is NOT to be confused with ex-girlfriend, MTV assistant turned myspace ranter, model, Brooke Crittendon.

"Alexis", according to reports, was his "back home" girlfriend who was there for him even before his infamous car accident. Crittendon, the self-proclaimed "Baddest-Chick" of SU (more like chickenhead) is probably pulling out her hair at the news.

"Brooke, you know I hooked you up with this pic, there were many disasters to choose from..."

What Can I Say? It's Flav!

Another year, another frickin' hog race on the VH1 mega-successful Sunday night and no...I am not talking about Celebrity Fit Club.

Enter Flava of Love, the

An Inconvenient Spoof: The Republican Party Sucks

With mid-term elections on the horizon, the Republican party continues to make an ass of itself. The Wall Street Journal reported yesterday that the popular You Tube spoof of Al Gore's documentary "An Inconvenient Truth," is really the work of DCI - a PR firm repping both the Republican Party and Exxon. It is not, as the trailer suggests, the work of a 29 year old amateur filmmaker named MovieBob. Losers.

NYTimes, handle your business...

I don't care what side of the fence you are on with the Isreali-Lebanese conflict, but can we all agree that the New York Times is making a fool of itself by using the word "DOVISH" when describing any Isreali minister, cabinet member or spokesperson right before the described vows to destroy "a people". Now the NYTimes is not the only jackbutt, but they were ones who held the "dovish" that broke MY camels back.

Quit it!