Wifeswap Makes Us Question the Wisdom of Integration (Again)

Two interracial couples embark upon journeys of self-discovery. Tonight on Wifeswap:

White woman married to a black man, on white men -
"I can't see a black man ever waiting on somebody hand and foot..." [ok blondie, ever heard of, ummm, slavery? This "I'm a man" shit is totally post-swinging from trees. Idiot.]

"Black men tend to know who they are." ['tis news to us]

Black woman married to a white man, on black men -
"Eric reminds me of the black men that I gave up on...they want you to bow down to them...I don't believe in that at all."

"You are the very reason I married my husband (a white man)."

"You treat your wife like a slave." [expect no sympathy here dammit, we say it's about time]

Black man married to white woman, on black woman's nasty attitude -
"You are exactly the type of person who makes this country what it is in terms of race relations..." [right, it was her, a black woman, who f***ed up race relations in America...genius.]

These comments are not a fabrication. I stumbled upon some unholy episode of Wifeswap. According to my Direct TV blurb, tonight's episode involves "two integrated families who push racial stereotypes to the limit." Oh damn.

So what we have is a black man/white woman, swapping with a white man/black woman. In short, these are four ignorant bastards with whom we (normal ppl) are competing for, oh, ozone layer protection, oxygen.

First of all, the stereotypical black woman - btw, thanks and shout-out to ABC central casting - wants us to understand that she hates black men. She said it 40 times. She hates black men. She hates kids too. Imagine, ABC managed to find a black woman who hates kids, all kids, even the curly haired biracial ones she has to babysit during the swap. She hates housework too. And giving the kids book learning. YAY!!! This means she's not a mammy, despite her big ass replete with pantylines!!! After oh, 400 years, we've undone the stereotype. In fact, ABC has managed to completely reverse the paradigm. The black woman here serves no purpose at all - she's no good with kids, she's no good at domestic work, she hates her own people, she hates other people. She's some new shit - a black woman that cannot even take care of white people (we never expected her to take care of her own). Don't get us wrong, she sucks with all her yelling and screaming. And in a cruel twist, she demands tea and finger sandwiches. This is what happens when little black girls read stupid shit like Pride and Prejudice at a young age. Identity crisis. She is a walking identity crisis.

The white woman is all goodness and light (shock and awe). She is a housewife, who simply wants to please her black man. Like, she said this. She respects black men because they are strong and they know who they are. Let me guess, she also believes that they are better endowed and faster runners. In today's news, water is wet, sky is blue. Moron. She first appears onscreen holding her bible and talking to her five biracial offspring. Oh help me. I can't even finish this post.

The long and short of the fiasco is that ABC managed to make the white people look uh human, and the black people were referred to repeatedly as shiftless and lazy. [We note that white people cannot wipe their own behinds]. Anyway, by some miracle everyone's happy in the end. Black lady ghetto dances with the kids. She decides she likes kids from playing with curly haired biracial kids - somehow playing with her two black ones was insufficient to make her like children. Black dude's perspective changes. Women shouldn't have to do all the cooking and cleaning. Apparently he is a caveman. They learn that we are all part of a human race. These people are really stupid. They've clearly never seen any after school specials. It took Wifeswap to teach them that tired ass lesson. Interestingly, the white people didn't seem to learn anything. Thanks massa, for another lesson learned.

P.S. All this new found love didn't stop the black lady from ripping the white lady a new one during the sit-down at then end. White lady foolishly suggested that black lady treated her son like a "slave." They just don't learn. Black lady didn't like that at all. She didn't even "want to hear the word." You know, "don't call my son a slave. You called my son a slave." Rational black man said "we all heard what [white lady] said. She didn't call your son a slave." Black lady responded that she was "just tellin' it like it t-i is." What?!?!? I swear we need a license to appear on reality television.