On a Serious Note ...

I happened across a blog that reported Black Enterprise's findings
on the low rates of African-American "males' going to college. Yadda, yadda, yadda....I wrote a comment and when I tried to submit it, I was told that the blogger was not accepting comments, so I decided to bore you all with my rant...This, of course...is all family business...if you ain't family, MOVE ON!

When addressing the plight of blacks in education, period, not just the black males, people with good intentions only make the problem worse when they talk about the college and university rates of matriculation for African-American Students.

Personally, it DID NOT HELP, going to a university where the few African-American students, as brilliant as they were, did not have the same reverence for education as other African-American students who, from their youth, were made to understand what education REALLY was and could give them.

The rates of African-American male enrollment is of no concern to me, at this point, because if they want to go to school...they can...so, it's not Harvard...
I need to know that African-Americans are making it a REQUIREMENT to get their young boys and girls interested and on a fast track TO COLLEGE from the moment those kids enter nursery school. There is no point in sticking kids into college just because the numbers don't look good for "a people " unless those kids are truly going to represent and understand what they are getting themselves into.

Not proofread, just a rant...

So you think you can Dance?

Ho hum...another Thursday... another boy and girl ousted from the dance competition show, So You Think You Can Dance.

Ryan, my kinsman from Jamaica and a native New Yorker, was voted off last night. Thank goodness. Finally, a week where I don't have to hear how excruciatingly horrible his dancing AND personality is. He's sweet, but those judges were NOT giving him a break. Natalie, whom all the little colored boys love, beat out the fiery, got a little somethin' goin' on - I can see it in her hair, Allison, whom I personally pegged as making it, at least, to the top two. Allison was truly amazing, but you know, as long as Natalie is cute...

Donyelle, a show favorite, stunk it up during her poorly choreographed Hip-Hop routine with super-bubbly Travis. Shane Sparks, the sassy, sista' hatin' choreographer from Cincinnati, illustrated to those in the know, that he's all bark and no bite. His work reminds me of a bunch of girls tryin' to come up with somethin' hot for their high school talent show. His "Hip-Hop" choreography to an R&B song stank it up as well, and probably had a hand in Allison's early departure. Cecily, a sometime judge with partner Olisa and probably THE HOTTEST choreographer that I'd EVER worked with, but was overshadowed by the Fatima era in the mid-to-late 90s, could run circles around Sparks and his garbage. His work is remedial and his attitude...horrendous. Alex Da Silva, on the other hand...is FANT-A-BULOUS, because he has not only been classicaly trained, but he's underground as well, so he has mastered the best of both worlds giving us everything from a gorgeous Cuban Rhumba to the Classic Argentine Tango.

I have nothing to say about Ivan other than I hate him...he's truly getting away with murder.
Who could be next to go?

Our Unreliable Weather Pixie

It is a sticky 80+ degrees in NYC tonight. The weather pixie's dumb ass is talking about how it's 73 degrees. As I melt into a salty puddle, I'm thinking that she's about to be evicted from her spot on the sidebar.

What the $%^#!!!!

Move over Rock...

Lance Bass, formerly of the group N'Sync, is gay. Now it's possible that this has been a "well-known secret" among the Hollywood wags, but since I was never force-fed anyone but Mr. Justin Timerlake, it never occured to me to take stock of the group and its members.

Bass claims to be in a relationship with "Amazing Race 4" winner Reichen Lehmkuhl who partnered with Chip Arndt as a "married" couple on the CBS reality show. Guess that's over.

'N Sync singer worried he would harm group - CNN.com
Lance Bass reveals that he's gay - MSNBC

You don't know who you are Talking to...Boycott!!!

I have an issue with Mo'Nique, the obesity-loving, skinny girl hatin', newly married mother of twins, comedienne extraordinaire. Her Star Jonesesque proclamations of being a fatophile, can get on ones nerves especially with the heart disease/stroke/diabetic epidemic hitting us ridiculously hard.

It especially irks me that she preaches the girthy-gospel then enters into a marriage where both she and her husband are free to "see" other people. Talk about self-loathing... apparently, if you've got some weight on you, you don't deserve a long-term, loving relationship.

All that to say, I love that chick. Mo'Nique is the patron saint of "holdin' it down", I must say. Chick is no joke!

I would say that most of us, who currently travel, or have traveled regularly, have had to deal with sassy LMC flight attendants who feel like they can say, or do anything they want because the post-9/11 world has given these unusually powerless people a new set of cojones. The LMCs, who love to exxagerate or just straight-up lie as a means to their end can now throw you off of a plane for absolute nonsense under the guise of protecting the passengers from possible terrorism on your part. Enter Mo'Nique with entourage in tow

Selection taken from the 7/26/2006 Chicago Sun-Times article by Bill Zwecker.

"The United brouhaha started when Mo'Nique's hairdresser (seated in coach) attempted to put something (the New York Daily News reported it was a hair dryer) in Mo'Nique's carry-on in the compartment above her seat in first class.

Apparently, a flight attendant challenged the assistant, and Mo'Nique lost her cool when another United attendant told her, ''Tell your people that the next time they have an attitude, they are being thrown off. ... Since 9/11, we don't play around.''

Furious about being compared to a terrorist, Mo'Nique allegedly became extremely agitated -- leading to her being escorted off the plane.

Chicago Police officers were called but, after analyzing the situation, decided no charges were warranted."

Please note the tid-bit of info at the end of Zwecker's full article regarding the friend whose has dealt with Mo'Nique and her "posse".

Mo'Nique's supposed threat which led to the boot off the plane, according to Entertainment Tonight, was the statement, "You don't know who you are talking to...".

Mo'Nique is now asking for a boycott of United Airlines. I personally think people should call UA if they've EVER had a problem dealing with flight attendants anywhere. Let them know that you are not having it anymore. Your money is just as good as any LMCs and you sure as hell earned the respect that they get on the daily.

United Airlines - Customer Relations
1-877-228-1327 (8am - 7pm CST)
United Airlines - New York & New Jersey
NY - 1-800-864-8331 (reservations, navigate to customer service)
NJ - 1-973-624-6925

Matenopoulos Sucks...

As vacuous as ever

The View, specifically Barbara and Bill Geddes, is keepin' it gansta', by taking a page out of George dubya's book. Reward others for doing your dirty work.

Matenopoulos, the dumb LMC broad whose lack-luster career recently culminated with the ho-hum E! Entertainment Top Ten tabloid daily/weekly (I'm not even trying to get the title right) , has squeezed her butt back onto the View, if only for a little while. Shall we look for Star to make a reappearance in 7 years?

The week after the Star fiasco, Matenopoulos scurried out of her cave to let the world know that Star had soooommmme nerve complaining about the "end communication" edict Ms. Wawa put out there. Matenopoulos claims that after she was fired, she received a call from everybody but Star. Hey Debs, is it possible that Star liked you as much as your viewers?

Not to mention, we already have a dumb blonde on the View.

Be gone.

Miss Universe Watchable: Thanks to NBC, Bravo, Carson Kressley (how you doin'?)

22 Year Old Kenisha Thom, repping "Sweet Sweet T&T"

Miss Universe 2006 was on last night.

Confession #1: we watched it. And to our surprise, it was good.
It was a big old Bravo and NBC lovefest. We watched in part to see Miss USA in Kayne's creation (Project Runway). Interestingly Nancy O'Dell, Project Runway celebrity client from two seasons ago, hosted the show. She was about as interesting as a bag of rocks. Much better was Queer Eye's Carson Kressley. He was just "how you doin'" all over the place - he held nothing back. When Miss Puerto Rico came out, he started singing "Boricua, morena..." Like one of the old men on The Muppets, he commented on everything from make-up to hair to outfits. Santino Rice, also of Project Runway fame, was a judge. Other notable judges: the Brit who won the Apprentice; Emmet Smith; and the new Puerto Rican anchor on the Today Show, Maria Ayayay... listen that's not her last name, but I just really can't remember.

Confession #2: Black chicks watch these pageants with a keen eye on the minorities.
It takes a stunning white girls (not your average Becky or Sara) to capture our attention otherwise. Last night, there were some. Miss Switzerland Lauriane Gillieron was fab, as was Miss Denmark. But IMO, the night belonged to the blacks, latinos, and Asians on the stage.

Miss Trinidad and Tobago, pictured above, was stunning. We won't discuss the 12 foot bag of weave that she rocked as a ponytail. (I mean we're talking straight, shiny, black, and to her butt - like right out of the bag). We're also not so sure about the carnival regalia she wore as her national costume, but she was pretty and quite poised. One of the hosts called her the "best face" of the pageant. Her body was not bad either.

Miss Ethiopia, pictured below, was also stunning - vaguely reminiscent of Beyonce, no?

We're talking body like Iman - hips like whoa. She was robbed, she didn't make it past the first cut.

Miss Japan and Miss India were both cute and accomplished. Miss Japan wore this anime costume - it was cute - very Crouching Tiger. Damned if I could tell the South American chicks apart. They were all shiny dark hair, pretty tan, bronzer for days - except Miss Argentina - who was bottle blond. Miss Mexico was pretty.

Jamaica did not place - rare occurrence. We can't be hot all the time. Whatever.

Congrats to the winner, Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza of Puerto Rico, who walked away with the crown...and fainted shortly thereafter. She rocked her dress, though. The temporary 'rexia was totally worth it.

Pick on Somebody your own Size!

Apparently, the women of the Islamic Defenders Front want to send Nadine Chandrawinata, Miss Indonesia, to the slammer (or worse).

Chandrawinata, a native of Hannover Germany with a German mother, is only the 2nd contestant in a decade to represent Indonesia in the global pageant. The 22-year old is accused of violating a ban on beauty pageants put in place by the dictator Suharto, the year Chandrawinata was born, in addition to just being plain old vulgar for donning a bathing suit for all to see.

QUESTION: Who funded Miss Indonesia's march to the pageant?
ANSWER: Why the men of Indonesia! Not only the men, but the male government officials who modify and enforce the rules by which the Indonesians live.

Come now, ladies...Chandrawinata is a pawn...why not go after those who ushered her into the arena, or do the men always get a pass...

No Men, no Mas...

Thems was the dayz!

Now, as a happily married sista' of 3 years, I'm gonna have to drag my lust memory out of the basement for this one, but I'm doin' it for the young ladies today who don't have a clue as to what real men look and sound like. You know...our eye-candy.

You see, some jackbutt industry heads (black men, of course) are trying to tell women what to look and sound like. Big booty strippers with barely there black and hair down to your back. Nothing new, same old, same old, but I would like to pose a question for P-Didn't, Jay-B and all the 350-plus pound producers out there with their Yves Saint Laurent sunglasses and conked-slicked back hair...

Where's Tank?

You know, that chiseled, big-lipped R&B adonis that used to make the girlz lose - their - minds. (I must reiterate, he doesn't do a thing for me know, but I remember!) .

The black males in power of the commercial negro music movement, don't want men who are going to make black men, especially the music mavens themselves, feel less like the mandingos they are trying to sell us into believing they are. It only took them a second to figure that one out. This is why we are inundated with Ne-yos, Marios, and Avants, with tiny little Chris Browns and whatever that other little ones name is, who are round-the-way looking singers, while they, the industry mucks, find their version of the ideal woman and give her a contract when her background singers can sing "her" out of the boxing ring. They practically threw Maxwell's skinny behind in a box and threw away the key! No men, no mas.

Hey, as long as they can get away with it they will, but ladies...would you rather see a concert with Ne-yo, Omarion and Chris Brown with Kanye West headlining or would you drop a c-note on Tank, Maxwell and LL Cool J with the Jay to the Z closing it out.

Get Aquenetta out of Here!

In the July 2nd edition of the New York Times Magazine (my absolute fav), The Ethicist (sorry link is long gone) brought to light a fairly typical situation to arise in hospitals and the corporate world, a la "Something New", illustrating the ever enduring Affirmative Action LIFE policies for LMC women...as usual.

Apparently, the person who submitted the article, a nurse from the Texas hospital in question...that's right folks, Texas, tells us of the demanding LMC patient who felt more comfortable with a female anesthesiologist and politely asked if it were possible to reassign the position, already assigned to a man, to a woman. The hospital complied.

As the patient was being prepared for surgery, she was told the name of the newly assigned anesthesiologist. Let's call her "Aquenetta Sharise Jenkins", the pseudonym for the black doctor assigned to the LMC patient. The name, having a ridiculously high probability of belonging to a black woman, enraged the LMC patient, who shamelessly demanded an LMC doctor. The hospital, only minutes away from the surgery, decided to grant her wish since it was too early in the morning to question hospital officials on the ethics of her request.

Liberal LMCs could (and would) make the argument that this patient, and just plain old "Race in America" is the reason that LMCs would worry about using negro doctors...right or wrong, LMC doctors simply GET to work on more patients therefore they gain more experience...well, good lookin' out my LMC saviors, but let's face it...Eventhough the LMCs in this country equate a black person's doctorate with an LMCs B.A. and would sooner hire an LMC with a criminal record than a black with a Masters Degree, we all know the truth... Black folks have to work 50 million times (a possible exaggeration) harder and have to temper their souls daily to deal with the entitled LMCs faux spirits just to get the same opportunities that are simply handed to LMCs in this country.

For "Aquenetta" to get to where she is, she not only had to be exceptional as a student (or at least a hard frickin' worker), but she had to be a social breakdancin' maverick to navigate through the LMCs daily maze of "soullessness". I just don't have the patience.

You make the call.

Naomi Campbell Gets Arrested...Again.

Never Scared

Is this a joke? Naomi broke up with her man, and today she went to his house to get her stuff. He had to call the cops, and they arrested her for "creating a disturbance." Keep it gutter girl.
Naomi Campbell Is Reportedly Arrested, ABC News

Heavy Rain, Wind, Cause NYC to Implode

On Monday it rained in NY, after two days of 100+ degree weather. It rained kinda hard, and it was a little windy. Ok, there was lightning, thunder - it could be called a storm. People around the area lost power, trees fell. It created a bit of a stir.

It's okay for us to understate the impact. However, can someone tell us how Con Edison managed to underestimate the number of homes without power in Queens by 23,000 homes? And better yet, why it took them four days to figure it out?

It rained again today and the number 5 train cannot function. There is no service to the city's hinterlands, aka the Bronx. Because it rained. Holmes said taxes bought civilization. Wrong.

Con Edison Now Says As Many as 25,000 Still Without Power, NY1

Star Jones and Al Reynolds Divorce Watch Begins

In thick times and in thin, in S-curls and in dreadlock extensions...

Breaking News: Star Jones and Al Reynolds countdown to divorce has officially begun. Al was spotted leaving Blank Rome, where it is suspected he was seeking counsel re: his impending divorce from Star Jones. Ted Casablanca called it. Star is having a bad couple of months.

We await the memoir, a la Terry McMillan...

Kelly Rowland Celebrates Black History Month on The View

We tried not to say anything, because our sisters are getting a shot at filling Star Jones' chair, and it's an opportunity, blah blah blah. But come on now, it's just so humorous. There have been more black people on The View in the past two weeks, than in the past two years. We've seen Brandy twice, Deborah Roberts twice, and Tanika Ray was also a chocolate coated flavor of the week. Today, Kelly Rowland had her turn in the hot seat.

Poor Kelly, who looked fab btw, was a goner as soon as she sat down. The first thing out of Barbara's mouth was about Kelly's split with Dallas Cowboy Roy Williams. The D.C. girls are mum about almost everything - including their relationships. Clearly embarrassed and unprepared for the question, Kelly tried to dodge the bullet. But sensing a challenge, Babs pressed on. She asked why they broke up. She asked if anyone told them it wouldn't work. Kelly tried to keep her composure. She danced, ducked, and weaved. Little Kelly smiled and giggled to hide the faces she made when she wanted to call Barbara a bitch. But thankfully, the camera got it all. That poor child couldn't get an unsolicited word in edgewise. Her mouth just kept opening and closing.

The cats over at VH1's Best Week Ever also noticed that Barbara has been committing a cardinal sin with all of the sisters. She has been petting their hair like animals in a zoo. What's wrong with these people? Never seen a weave Barbara?????????

BTW, of all the lovely ladies that have been on the View, who's Rosie O'Donnell's favorite? Kelly Pickler. That lady's got class, I tell ya. Not television news anchor Deborah Roberts who might have something meaningful to contribute to a conversation, but Kelly Pickler.

World News Tonight

The death toll in Haifa (Israel) is eight, and the international community is in an uproar. Someone must pay. The sidewalk cafes in Israel are empty. Summer camps have been cancelled. Did we neglect to mention the 50+ Lebanese people (mostly civilians) that have been killed by Israel?

Oh, and in other news, President Bush cursed today while lunching with Tony Blair in Russia. (Will he never learn that the mic is ALWAYS on?) He suggested Syria talk to Hezbollah and tell them to stop this "shit." While we were inclined to laugh at first, we realized this was perhaps one of the most coherent statements he's ever made. He knows what all the words mean, and he seemed to know what was going on. If only he would address all foreign policy like it was a fight between two of his fraternity brothers, we'd all be better off. No?

Just for kicks, we'll link to Fox News' coverage of Bush's public potty mouth:
Bush Curses Hezbollah on Live Microphone, Fox News
In Haifa, Shock and Determination, MSNBC

Weekend Wrap-Up: The News As We See It

Of all the things that have happened in the world this week, what's at the fore in our little minds? Meet the Press meets Vibe Magazine's 20 Questions...

1) Apocalypse Now:

Kim Jong Il: Gangster with a Wave Nouveau
The dictator with the curly perm is intent on getting us all blown the hell up - firing seven missiles over the course of three days - and not giving a damn what anyone has to say about it. We just wanna know, why do high profile men submit to the whims of mad hairstylists? (See Trump, Sharpton, Kim Jong for more).
Kim Jong Il, Crazy Like a Fox, (ABC News, July 5, 2006)

Oy, Vey
Israel and Palestine are also intent on getting us blown the hell up. Um, who told Dubya that all Americans want to stand behind him in defense of Israel? We're sooo Switzerland on this issue. You hear that out there? The blacks are NEUTRAL (if not a little tired of the Palestinians being villainized). Moreover, gas prices are predicted to hit $4.00 a gallon over this mess - as if an excuse was needed.
Bush Will Not Tell Israel to Halt Offensive, (ABC News, July 14, 2006)


2) Haute Ca Ca

Manolo Blahnik, Bored, Diversifies
Clearly in need of another project, or perhaps seeking to become a fashion triple-threat (footwear, accessories, fragrance), Manolo Blahnik has joined the ranks of Tocca and Jo Malone, by making his own ridiculously overpriced line of candles. According to Neiman Marcus, it's "what every fashionista's been waiting for." For a cool $75, you too can be immersed in heliotropes, chocolate, vanilla and figs. Why aren't the topnotes leather, or rhinestone?
Manolo Blahnik Candle, Neiman Marcus

Naomi Campbell Beats B****es Up (oh Coral, how we used to love thee)
Already in court on charges of having assaulted two employees, Naomi Campbell now faces charges from a third employee. Why? "Verbal, physical and emotional attacks." This has to be a conspiracy. Whatever. Yay, another opportunity for us to see what she wears to court. Did you see her thighs...rather, Naomi, sashay her way into court last week in the basic black dress/black shades/weave blowing in the wind? It was Paris. It was Milan. It was the shit (sigh).
Naomi Campbell Faces New Employee Abuse Suit, Reuters UK, (July 14, 2006)

3) Entertainment

You're Either In, Or You're Out...
Wednesday nights belong to Bravo. Project Runway is back - and for the first time, we have a black male designer on the show. He's Michael from Atlanta. And we're not sure we like him because of his big-headed promos. However, he did NOT cut the fool on the show yet, to our surprise. He made a cute little white dress out of coffee filters. We'd love to root for him, so please don't let him be a jerk. Others to watch: Keith, who made a stunning (and according to Michael Kors, "emotional") navy dress for his equally stunning model; Laura, who loves old Hollywood, red lipstick, and garments trimmed in fur; and Robert, whose little red and white confection made us want to go Christmas shopping in the city...pronto.
Project Runway, Bravo, Wednesdays @ 10pm

It's Gonna Be Crucial, Yeh
Dominican (as in Dominica, not the Dominican Republic) reggae artist Nasio Fontaine has an album out. There's a track on it called Crucial, and it is the hotness. Why do so many iffy acts get contracts and airtime - we see you dirty south - while real artists have to fight to get heard?
Universal Cry, Nasio Fontaine

Young, Gifted and Black: The Tragic Demise of Tiesha Sargeant

The July 17th issue of New York magazine contains a superb article about Teisha Sargeant, the accomplished daughter of West Indian parents, who was shot and killed in Brooklyn this past May. It is alleged that the men who killed Teisha were associates of her boyfriend, who was dealing drugs from her apartment (unbeknownst to her) while she worked during the day. The story made headlines in NY, because the mainstream media was horrified that a woman with such promise could meet such a bitter, tragic, end. Her story is profound and compelling to us, because it is so familiar.

Like many of us, Teisha she was raised in a working class family that emphasized the value of education. Her natural abilities were cultivated and refined by Prep-for-Prep, which prepared her to attend some of our nation's most elite academic institutions (Brearley and Wesleyan). Upon graduation, Teisha worked at Conde Nast and ultimately Credit Suisse, where she worked until her untimely death.

Media attention revolved around the question of how this could happen to a woman who had seemingly "escaped" the misfortune of being born black, female, and working class in New York City. But the vast number of us know what the media cannot understand. The dichotomy that has been set up between educated and uneducated blacks in our urban communities is false, as is the good/bad dichotomy, and the right/wrong dichotomy. These distinctions are useless in neighborhoods where many good people are caught up in bad circumstances, many bad people are well educated, and many smart people are without resources and opportunity. Unlike our white counterparts, who select neighborhoods (and friends and spouses and jobs) based on demographic factors like education, occupation, and/or wealth, we are bound together by our race and culture in a fairly segregated city.

Going home at the end of the day for many of us does not mean that we go to a place where people are "educated" like we are, because for many of us that would mean living in white neighborhoods. While we might strive for that environment at work, we go home to communities that are the mixed up product of the American urban experience - but are decidedly ours.

The article makes it clear that mainstream Americans still believe most black people to be poor, dumb and ghettoized by default. In their mind, Teisha Sargeant was an exceptions and perhaps should have been divorced from the community from whence she came. It does beg the question, one that W.E.B. DuBois did not answer...where are the talented tenth supposed to live, and with whom? How do we preserve our safety and our cultural integrity at the same time? Tough questions.

Sony's Crazy Billboards Are Gone

So after a few weeks, Sony has pulled the "racially charged" (read: neo-Nazi) Playstation Portable billboards that were displayed throughout the Netherlands. The ads feature a white woman grasping the face of a fearful black woman, with the proclamation "White is Coming."

What did the execs over at Sony have to say? "We only intended to make a sharp contrast between black and white, but never meant to discriminate against anyone." Someone needs to fire their press agent. Is that not the very definition of discrimination, to distinguish between two things? Whatever.

The jaw grabbing thing was obviously not intended to suggest a power dynamic either. Can you imagine the presentation of the ad at the agency? How the hell did they explain the concept? The Japanese should be sensitive to this kind of thing, well with the internment and all. To be fair, there were other treatments of the ad, e.g., with a black guy atop a white guy, grabbing his face. The bottom line: Don't play the color game with people - use dice, dominoes, anything else. It's not artistic, it's bad p.r.

Anyhoo, black males ages 10-40 now have license to go and cop the New PlayStation Portable White. We're sure it will be a status symbol by Labor Day.

Sony Removes Ads for New PlayStation Portable in Netherlands After Racism Allegation (Mainichi Daily News, July 13, 2006)

Elizabeth Hasselbeck Sucks

Why we are still watching The View, after Star's unceremonious ouster, we don't know. Perhaps it's to see Barbara Walters in a pair of goggles-cum-spectacles. Hell, we weren't sure why we watched before Star's grand adieu.

Nonetheless, today Kelly Monaco (the chick who shook her booty to win Dancing With the Stars - only to be stripped of her title by the dude from Seinfeld) has the honor of sitting in Star's chair. The gals get into a discussion of marriage. This discussion was clearly orchestrated by the producers to give Elizabeth the opportunity to do her real job, i.e., slut herself out for the Republican party. In fact, we need a payola inquiry immediately. Anyway, Kelly Monaco is 30, and she's been with her boyfriend for 15 years. They're not married.

Elizabeth, as everyone knows, is married to Tim Hasselbeck, whom she loves, honors, cherishes, obeys, procreates with, goes to church with, condemns liberals with... No one can convince me that this chick didn't come with a remote control and a battery pack in her back.

Citizen-officer Elizabeth attacks Kelly for not marrying her boyfriend. Of course she says the obligatory, "that's fine, it's totally your choice, but..." According to Lizzie, lots of people "attack" marriage, and "attack" people who believe in marriage. And it's fine if people don't want to get married as long as they don't attack marriage.

Shut up Elizabeth. First, Kelly Monaco didn't even bring up the subject. Second, the bridal industry in this country is huge and growing exponentially every year. If marriage was a company on the NYSE it would be the worst investment, like, ever. Sixty percent fail. And yet...Americans do it in droves every year. Who's attacking marriage? She's so dumb.

Joy, whose life's work seems to be taking people - especially Republicans - off their high horse, was right on point today. I can't stand her, but ooh today she was sooooo good. She was like, "Elizabeth, how long have you and Tim been together?" This Elizabeth is so stupid she didn't see it coming. "Eight years," she boasts, batting her eyelashes. Joy counters "...and how long have you been married?" "Ummm, why four years," bat-bat, bat-bat. Nosy ass Joy busts out "so what, you had pre-marital sex?" Elizabeth damn near fell under the table. She was furious and told Joy it was none of her business. She also demanded to know what pre-marital sex had to do with the discussion. She was right. Really it had nothing to do with the discussion. Joy probably just figured, "today I'm nailing this uppity bitch for something." Yaaayy!!

Liberals (even a/holes like Joy): 1
Republican Stepford Wives: 0

Disclaimer: We totally believe in marriage despite the odds. We just don't need a speech about it from people who send young men and women to war to be killed in order to satisfy their individual bloodlust and eugenicist impulses.

Conceited Black Man: The New Coon

From the old coon to the new...









"...[O]pportunistic use of Black culture is exploitative, a form of economism...replacing the political struggle for self-determination with a superficial rhetoric aimed at gaining concessions under imperialism." -Amiri Baraka, "Malcolm as Ideology," Malcolm X: In Our Own Image.

This morning I'm watching TV, when I see the promos for the new season of Project Runway (premiere July 12, 2006 - whoo hoo!). I'm all excited, but like a bolt out of the blue, what do the folks at Bravo send to rain on my parade? New cast member, Michael, age 28, from Atlanta. Michael, in all his sweet (eh hem) Atlanta glory, is wearing trademark new-coon aviators, with his arms folded in trademark new-coon stance. He utters 5-seconds worth of drivel about how fabulous he is, and how he's going to take the whole competition (which will be great in a few weeks when we know that he sooo doesn't take the competition).

If I see one more black man on television holding his nuts and talking about how great he is (while having absolutely nothing to back it up, of course), I will vomit. Someone is running around telling them that swagger sells. And they are listening. They say silly shit like "I'm not conceited, I just have the confidence to _______" - you can insert your choice of dumb tasks that they think they're particularly suited to succeed in accomplishing. Think Diddy. Think 50. This arrogance is often, though not always, associated with an alleged black nationalist agenda. Case in point: the militant afro-gay Karamo, who after all his damned talk was afraid to get in the water on the Real World/Road Rules challenge. Remember him? I know, barely.

I posit that this conceited black man, a caricature to be sure, is none other than our friend, the coon. He is mantan. He is Sambo. He is a fiction, a creation. We made him up to entertain white people. Again. We shuck, we jive, they film, they edit. Who do I blame for this unabashed idiocy? Kanye West, the new-coon patron saint.

The Rockets' Red Glare

Happy 4th of July, fellow Americans! We wouldn't normally call ourselves "patriotic," (whatever that means) but today, even we were reduced to flag-waving sacks of sap.

Our beautiful sister-in-blackness, Stephanie Wilson, just took her first trip to space aboard the Space Shuttle Discovery. Every time a space shuttle launches, we are awestruck - filled with a combination of fascination and dread. Happily, they went up without a hitch, despite the damaged foam panel that was causing some concern. (An aside: Are we the only people who recall a time when this would be an occasion for "licking" celebratory gunshots? No? Hmm...I remember those days when Hell was my home/when me and Mama bed was a big piece a foam/and mi neva like bathe, and mi hair neva comb... Boy are we glad those days are over. Celebratory gunshots. Why are we so damned crazy?) Eh ehm, once again, dammit, we digress.

Good luck to all our astronaut friends while they're up there. We at Atmosphere Gabbery sure do hope they come back to Earth safe and sound.

In other news, the people are having a great week - Kim's free, Dallas Austin has been pardoned - but it's early yet. Surely some rapper will f*** it up. Just kidding. If this was an LMC blog, we'd be serious. But a perk of reading our blog? We love black people.